


Thanks For The Memories

by valhallas



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Angst, Dan Howell - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform, phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 11:38:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5706256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valhallas/pseuds/valhallas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a heartbreaking settlement, Dan makes a deal to erase all of Phil's memories of them together, to save Phil's life. Dan purposely hangs around all of the places they first met, and they become friends once more, Dan keeping it secret that he ever knew him before. It kills him inside that Phil doesn't remember it all, the love they had, the memories. They were each other's worlds, all the other had. Can Dan jog Phil's memory? Or will Dan's secret remain unknown forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thanks For The Memories

**Author's Note:**

> does contain some descriptions of blood and very mild torture, although nothing too graphic.

Dan walked into the all familiar franchise with determination set in his mind. He would go through his usual routine; caramel macchiato, sofa, endless scrolling through pointless social medias. But this time, his habitual regime would be for an actual purpose. A very important one at that.

Although his rather seemingly basic plan lacked much effort to the onlooker, it held deep sentimental meaning to Dan. You see, he wasn't here because his dire need for starbucks wasn't currently fulfilled, and what he was doing wouldn't affect anyone else. Even if he hoped it would, for the better, of course.

Directing himself away from the hazy thoughts currently inhabiting his mind, he joined the small queue and got ready to order. Looking around quickly, he couldn't see the man he had come looking for, and he began to wonder if he should just leave it. Maybe unbelievable coincidences would ensue and he would randomly bump into the guy, say his apologies, do some cliche 'staring into each other's eyes' and he would remember him, they'd fall in love. But Dan knew that was bullshit, and his plan was his best bet, for now.

"Hello? What's your order?" The cashier asked him. Dan stared blankly for a few seconds, outwardly unaware the queue had begun thinning out while he was entranced in his thoughts about a pretty man with black hair, a man that had no recollection of who Dan was, and just why Dan needed to speak to him as soon as possible.

"Er, caramel macchiato, thanks." He replied awkwardly, moving along so the person behind him could carry out his order. He mindlessly started fiddling with the various sugar packets in front of him, a way to calm his nerves and present himself in a more composed manner.  
"Are you taking away, or..?" The cashier drifted off, waiting for him to answer.

"No, no." He shook his head, exaggerating his need to be seated indoors. If he wasn't, his whole plan would crumble. Of course, he could just come back next week, but Dan was unsure he could even wait that long. Sure, it had only been 2 days since he'd last seen the man, but the man hadn't seen him. Of course he hadn't, given that he doesn't even know who he is anymore. He used to, perhaps you could even go as far as saying he knew every ounce of Dan you could possibly get to know. Dan's slight impulses and 4AM intrusive thoughts. Maybe you could say he knew Dan better than Dan knew Dan. But there was no proof of that now.

-

Dan sat back into the worn sofa just like old times, stroking the stain from where the other man had spilled his coffee, it leaving a suggestive brown stain on the light fabric. Dan had sat here so many times it was a wonder the cushions hadn't morphed into the shape of Dan's body. He had been here a good 20 minutes now, and still no sign of him. He would either have to leave, or order another drink, and neither sounded particularly pleasant to him in the current circumstance. But anything was better than leaving without even catching a glance. He came here with purpose, and he was determined to wait it out.

-

He returned to the sofa once more, this time with just a bottle of water. The buzz from earlier had died down and presently it was just him and a few other people. He didn't recognise any of them, and so he had to assume they were not regulars. Not that even the workers at the popular shop knew who Dan was anyway, he wasn't one that people remembered, not ever, really. And that was what made the man, Phil, so utterly special. He could make Dan feel like the only important person worth remembering in the entire universe, as if Dan had the power to turn small fountains into complete oceans, and short pavements into total valleys. Dan was, in the right sense, simple. Not in the intelligence way, because God, that boy was smart. But there was nothing vastly exceptional about him, not in Dan's eyes, not in anyone else's. But somehow, Phil seemed to find any particular thing Dan did and see it as something absolutely miraculous. In the dark periods, Phil had the ability to assure Dan everything was okay. That what he was doing - was perfect. That every painting, scripture, word he spoke - was art.

The bell on the door rang through the shop, alerting that someone new had entered. It was a man; ghastly pale, a nice contrast to his black hair and bright plaid shirt. The contrast that would never fail to take Dan's breath away. Dan's grip on the water bottle tightened, his eyes adjusting, not yet believing that it was in fact Phil stood in his presence. His chest fluttered with undeniable excitement, him also feeling a sense of achievement that his past 2 and a half hours of waiting around had not gone to waste. He heard the warm voice he had grown accustomed to speak the words he knew would follow.

"Caramel Macchiato, thanks."

He studied the man as he waited for his order, seeing if anything had remotely changed about him since he had last seen him - a couple of days ago. Nothing dramatically different, apart from his obvious change of clothing, and the fact he was wearing his glasses today. Dan smiled to himself, remembering all the times he had begged him to wear his glasses and Phil had refused, claiming he looked much better with contacts. And here it was, proof that Phil could be an exceptionally good liar when he wanted to be, because he looked ethereal. And that was another great thing about Phil, Dan came to realise. - That Phil could be doing the most simple of tasks, or the most obscure things, but still look completely stunning.

He was pulled out of his daydream once more by the man saying a gracious thank you, before he retreated to sit down. Dan saw him quickly skim over where Dan was sat, obviously planning on sitting on that exact sofa, but upon realising it was taken up, had chosen to sit on a small table farther away. He quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to seem off-putting by his constant stare.

And now he had to find a way to actually pull off his next move. It was how he was trying to guarantee their friendship, or a conversation, at least, which was more than Daniel had done so far. It was a pretty poor plan at that, it relied on Phil doing exactly what he had in mind, and although it was highly likely, it wasn't 100% a possibility. Had Dan explained his idea to anyone else they surely would have deemed him insane, but he had no one to even explain it to, so it didn't prove an issue.

As Dan had predicted, the man had got comfortable quickly and pulled out his book, and so now was where Dan came in. Mentally prepping himself up, he got up from the sofa and walked over, his own copy of the book in hand.

"Erm, sorry, I just couldn't help but notice the book you're reading, Frankenstein?"

_**::::: October 19th, 2009** _

_"It's my favourite. I was just reading it now," the boy had said, pointing to his copy for the other to see._  
_"Wow, yours is in a much better condition than mine! I'm surprised it hasn't completely fallen apart yet, I take it with me everywhere." The other man had explained, flicking through a few of the beaten pages, before gesturing for Dan to sit down beside him on the sofa._

_"I honestly didn't clock you for an avid book fan." Dan remarked, realising as soon as he said it that he had given away he had, at the very least, thought about the stranger sometimes, and although all he had done in the past 3 weeks was smile at Dan from afar, he was all Dan had thought about._

_The man laughed back, giving him a wide smile. "I'm not, it's just - I don't know. There's something about Frankenstein that just..it interests me."_

_"I understand completely. Although I'm pretty passionate about reading, I have never enjoyed a book as much as Frankenstein. With other books, I find them a chore to get through. They say have a 50 page rule; if you still don't like it after 50 pages, don't read it. But some books, I can barely read 5! They're just not interesting enough. Whereas Frankenstein really encapsulates a mature read, with the power of fantasy, and still has a childlike essence," Dan explained, his eyes lighting up in a way that only intrigued the mind of the other man. "I'm Dan, by the way."_

_"Phil. Nice to meet you, Dan." he had greeted, shaking Dan's hand lightly, before pulling away. "Well, I'd best be off. I'll be here tomorrow though, if you wanted to catch up, talk more on the book?"_

_::::::_

Dan and Phil had been talking about Frankenstein for well over 20 minutes now. Of course, Dan had had these conversations with Phil, the exact same discussions, many times. Back in the first few months they knew each other, when they were ultimately just platonic, their favourite thing to do was chat in starbucks about theories and opinions of the book, and often went over certain topics. And here they were again, and although Phil had no memory of those discussions ever taking place, and although Dan surely could not be entertained whatsoever by the words he'd already heard spoken, Dan thought it was the most fascinating conversation he'd ever had, even if he'd already had it.

"Well, it was nice talking to you Dan, but I have to be somewhere in 5 minutes and I'm totally going to be late!" he giggled, standing up and tucking his book into his rucksack, before throwing it onto his back. "It'll be worth it though, I really enjoyed our conversation. Will I see you around?"

"Yeah, I come here every Tuesday," Dan assured him, patting his shoulder timidly, not sure where to draw the line on physical contact. A few months ago there was no line, but yet here we were, an inconceivable paradox.

"I'll see you then, then." Phil requested, and Dan watched sadly as he turned and walked out of the shop.

"See you then." Dan whispered to himself.

-

Dan sighed considerably, throwing his keys down onto the front desk.  
"Can I help you?" An amused voice asked, and Dan smiled in the direction it was coming from - his friend and fellow colleague.

"Oh my god, you have no idea, Emmy. I'm literally being driven out of my mind." He told her, moving to sit across from her.

"Ooh, yeah, you didn't tell me! So, how'd it go with loverboy?" She lilted, stapling some documents together.

"Okay, firstly, no. Secondly, it went fine. We just talked about the book like I planned and arranged to meet again, same time next week. Thirdly, how the fuck do I stay around here, keep my good schedule and keep him from finding out we work at the same place. I absolutely will not have him finding anything out, so that means I rely on you and the rest of the whole building to keep their mouths shut about it. And what if we do become good friends, and he finds out or he asks me where I work or he-"

"Dan. Calm down! It's been a day. I assure you, he's not going to find out before you tell him, which you're going to have to. You can't hide it from him forever, you know." Although Emmy was trying to be reassuring, her tactics failed miserably. How do you tell someone you just met that, yes, in fact, you do know them, you knew them very well, seeing as you'd been dating for the past 6 years, and - sorry that they couldn't remember, it was because you'd erased their memory. Dan could see that conversation going down swimmingly, he thought sarcastically, a bitter grimace etched onto his features.

Emmy gave him a knowing look, groaning at his stubborn nature. "Dan! You have to tell him at some point, you know you have to."

Dan nodded, and although her words were definitely not what he wanted to hear, they reigned true. He did need to tell him, although not just yet. He didn't want to alarm Phil, and at the same time, he didn't want to start a friendship with the man and then tell him and have Phil not trust him, or think he was a freak.

It would have been an understatement to say Dan was stressed at the situation, but there was nothing he could do. This was the situation he had gotten himself into, and however tricky it was, it was his own doing. Not that he'd chosen to do what he did, or that it was completely his fault; it wasn't. But he had to be held accountable for it, and that was just the sad truth.

"Ah, Danny boy! I've been looking for you. We need someone to take on the streisand course, none of our current trainers are suited to it and you're the optimum person for this field of work," Dan's boss jabbered from his direction, where he was walking into one of the main offices.

"Barry, I've told you, I can't be doing too much of this right away. Not since what happened last time," He insisted, shaking his head to emphasise just how much he hated the idea.

"I hear you Dan, but if you want to keep your job, you'll take the risk," Barry said, before walking off. Dan knew it was a weak threat, he was their best worker excluding Phil, and they certainly couldn't afford to lose him. But then he thought about the possibility of working with Phil again, and all the wonderful times they had cracking cases and defeating spirits and demons and-no. He could not put Phil in danger again, it was his mistakes that had ended them up where they were.

_**:::: A few days earlier** _

_"Come on, you spork, this could be a shortcut," Dan persisted._  
_"Or it could lead us right into the path of the demon. We want the low-key approach, let's just go the safe way," Phil had justified, steering Dan in front of him and towards the longer path._  
_"Phiiiiillll. Please. We've been walking for ages, I'm pretty sure there isn't even a demon in here." He begged, his laziness showing through._

_Phil caved, although frustrated, and followed Dan through into the supposed 'shortcut'. The tunnel was still incredibly dark even with their torches lighting the way, and seemed much dimmer than the one they had been in previously. It cut off after 2 minutes, leading out into a wider path with a stream flowing through, which then lead to a fork in the path._

_Dan looked over at Phil with a bewildered expression, stuck with what to do next. "Well..which one?"_  
_"Well, there's only one way to find out. I'll send you a code if mine leads to anything and vice versa," He explained, throwing to Dan some chalk so he didn't get lost._

_"You can't possibly be suggesting we split up," Dan posed, eyes widening when Phil nodded. "We haven't done that since our first job together when we hated every minute we were in the same room together. W-we can't Phil! What if there IS a demon?"_

_"What happened to being pretty sure there wasn't one? Besides, would you rather walk all the way back to the longer path?" Phil reasoned, knowing Dan would say no to the latter, and he was correct._

_If they were caught off guard by a demon, it wouldn't be the end of the world. It would, however, if they were split up. If Dan had been captured by a demon, he wouldn't be able to fight it off completely no matter how experienced he was, not if he had no one to help him. Of course, there was the possibility the demon wouldn't like Dan's blood type, which meant he would be caused no harm. However, there was also the possibility that if the demon didn't like Dan's blood type, it would like Phil's, and Dan wouldn't be there to help him._  
_Every demon has a blood preference, and that was why when looking for them, you went in a pair. Dan and Phil were paired up because of their difference in blood, and hadn't been separated since. Because they were experienced and well trained, they hadn't had a problem with demons or any other deathly supernatural beings in the past 6 years - since they started. They were quick and adept to capture them, and were the highest ranked hunters in their profession._

_And so they began walking down their chosen paths; Phil with the left, Dan with the right. As Phil had suspected earlier, Dan's extended out into another three paths, and he chose the one on the right again, marking the wall with a single line. It extended out again, and again, and although Dan had only been walking for a few minutes, something just felt off._  
_He span round and followed his last marks, leading back into the first one he'd gone into alone. The torch seemed to be dimming every minute longer he spent in there, and his steps reverbed loudly, making it sound like there was someone else there with him. But it wasn't just the noise, Dan felt like he wasn't alone in there, and it just creeped him out further. He was desperate to get to Phil as quick as possible and take the longer route, and he wondered if Phil's path had as many different turns as his did._

_He turned the corner into Phil's tunnel, and found him immediately, crouched down and looking to be inspecting something._  
_"Phil? What are you doing?" He asked, crouching down beside him. Phil looked at him with a glimmer in his eyes, and simply pointed down to a pool of liquid on the floor in front of them. It was completely black - the blood of a demon. Dan took a sharp intake of breath, looking to Phil for guidance, and an actual explanation, that would be nice, Dan thought._

_As if reading Dan's mind, Phil said on cue "Well, this is an inkling of proof that a demon could be in here, right? And it's on my path, it's a good thing you came through actually, I was hoping it wouldn't suddenly appear out of thin air while you were gone," he explained to him, chuckling. Dan wondered how on earth Phil could chuckle while Dan himself was, in the sense of the word, practically shitting himself, but didn't dwell on it too much. That's just what Phil was like - he saw the positives in everything. Dan was glad he had Phil to accompany him on these kind of trips, if he didn't , he surely would've quit his job by now._

_"Let's go then, shall we?" Phil offered, taking Dan's hand in his own and leading him further down the tunnel, more black puddles appearing more frequently every few steps they took. Eventually it just evened out into one black line, as if a trail to lead them right to the demon. Dan was unsure if this was the demon's plan, and **surely** he and Phil should be smart enough not to follow it, but by this point they didn't have a choice, unless to go back the longer way, a plan that had long since left Dan's mind._

_In an abrupt, unexpected second - Phil's torch switched off. Dan stifled his petrified squeal, he had grown accustomed to doing that over the years, but it was no secret he was blatantly terrified. Phil still seemed fine, muttering that it was 'those damn batteries, or something', and Dan turned his torch on immediately, not wanting to be left in the dark, especially with the supernatural potentially surrounding them this very moment._

_"You don't think, that..that your torch turning off had anything to do with..." Dan trailed off, giving Phil a sideways glance._  
_"No! Of course not, do you?"_  
_"Well..It is awfully convenient.."_  
_"Dan! We've talked about this before, you have to stop being overly superstitious and worried, I'm sure it was just a weird coincidence," he said, pulling Dan into a comforting embrace._  
_"And we've talked about 'this' Phil," Dan pulled out of Phil's hug, pointing between the two of them, "You need to stop being overly affectionate while on the job, this is **work** and you're **distracting** ," He insisted, still goofily smiling at Phil, before he entwined Phil's hand back with his and carried on walking._

_It wasn't long since they'd started walking again that they were inevitably met with a dead end. This had happened on some occasions before, and they usually just turned around and went back another way. They had never given up on the job, and that was part of what made them so special to the association, not only were they exceptionally well trained and good at handling the supernatural, which was basically unprecedented, they had a particular aura around them that was calming. Their personalities and they way they presented themselves, spoke - it wasn't harmful. It never was, and if there was ever a chance at befriending the supernatural it sure would be done by Dan and Phil._

_"I guess we'll just go back the other way then," Dan said bitterly, slightly disgruntled that he'd now walked down two shortcuts, and would now have to walk back and down another long tunnel. He was extraordinary at his job, yes, but he was also very lazy._  
_Phil rolled his eyes at Dan's comment, but shot him a grin anyway. "Race you to the main tunnel!" he challenged, getting an unamused look from Dan._

_"Not happening,"_  
_"What, why?"_  
_"Because, I'm already out of breath and we've only been down here 20 minutes,"_  
_"Lazy,"_  
_"Unprofessional,"_  
_"Party pooper,"_  
_"Oh shut up," Dan said with a laugh, lightly pushing the other innocently as they began to walk back to the main tunnel._

_They turned the corner out of the tunnel and were met with another dead end._  
_"But, how..we just came from here..Phil?" Dan turned around, expecting to be met with an expression similar to his own, on his boyfriend's features, but instead was met with an empty tunnel._  
_It was completely bare, even of the demon blood they had seen just a few minutes ago. Dan was left with the tremoring echo of his words and the cold air he hadn't noticed before, his goosebumps prickling up his arm._  
_He was frozen on the spot, unable to move, or even think coherently. He wanted to believe it was just a lighthearted prank Phil had setup, but he couldn't. He knew this was exactly the kind of thing a demon would do, and besides, Phil couldn't execute a prank to save his life, he was too giggly._  
_Dan found himself smiling at the thought of imagining Phil trying to prank someone, before shaking the appearance off of his face completely. If he wanted to actually figure out a way to find out what was happening and where his boyfriend was, he needed to try and communicate to the demon, or whatever creature may or may not be holding them captive._

_He took his torch and turned it off, knocking it against the wall beside him 4 times. He then walked backwards so he was in the middle of the two dead ends, the path that was literally just a small, straight tunnel now. He could've sworn it was longer before, and it was as if he was the one who was somehow transported somewhere else. Either that, or the tunnel was shrinking._

_He shivered at the thought, and tapped the torch against the wall once more, trying to summon something, anything. At this point he'd be content with summoning a speck of dust, anything to keep him company._

_It had been a few minutes and still, nothing. Dan tried to test the waters, to see if Phil could hear him. For all he knew, Phil could be in a tunnel next to him._  
_"Robots are better than dinosaurs," He called out first, quoting an argument they'd had years before. He knew that if he was to be heard, the demon would most likely not have a clue what he was talking about, and it was his safest option. 20 seconds passed, and nothing. He tried again._  
_"Phil!" He shouted louder, banging against the wall with his torch again, giving up all hope of ever being heard at all._

_The dead end in front of him seemed to be edging closer, and Dan didn't know if it was fact, or just him driving himself crazy._  
_Without the light from his torch, the tunnel was almost completely pitch black, the only light coming through tiny holes and cracks in the wall, the tunnel next to his seemingly being lit by something._

_"Whoever's doing this can fuck off!" He grunted. He knew he was being unprofessional, but it was something to do to distract himself from the current thoughts of wherever Phil was and if he was safe and if he couldn't communicate politely maybe the demon would listen if he gave him some attitude._

_-_

_It had been 2 hours of continuous hell for Dan inside the tunnel, with nothing to distract him from the instantaneous and unrelenting thoughts of Phil._  
_In his frustration, he had ended up breaking his torch from throwing it against the wall continuously, which worsened his mood nonetheless._  
_By this point he wondered if he'd ever get out. He knew Phil must be still alive, he would've surely heard him if he was killed. And he was certain the demon didn't want his own blood, but that didn't mean the demon couldn't kill him by imprisoning him in a tunnel until he withered away into nothingness. It was unheard of, but if demons were morbid enough to kill people by taking their blood, he had no doubt in his mind they wouldn't make the victims boyfriend suffer._  
_But Dan wasn't even sure the demon wanted Phil's blood, usually the process must be quicker than this he thought. Even his maths lessons seemed to pass quicker than this._

_"Daniel? Are you listening to me? You better," Dan's head shot up at the sound of the venomous voice, the one currently sending shivers down his spines at amplifying speeds. "Don't fucking underestimate me. I am your worst nightmare and your childhood best friend all at once. You underestimated me and that is why I'm here. You thought you could prance about my catacombs with your faggot friend and no one would bat a fucking eyelash. You thought you could waltz in, capture my spirit and get a gold star from your boss, didn't you? I'm not the ditzy spirits you've encountered before you uncultured queer. And you'll do what I say, okay?" The voice spat, it's intentions clear._

_"O-okay," Dan replied, his legs already numbing and beginning to tremble with the saturated fear that had overtaken his every emotion._

_"Dan?" A familiar voice whispered, and Dan whipped around, being faced with the sight of a very battered Phil. He already had bruises scattering his face and he was paler than he was usually, looking like he'd just aged 10 years. His lips were cracked open, with hues of blue and purple, and he looked hopeless._

_"Oh, Phil," Dan gushed, rushing over to where Phil was stood at the other end of the path, before he was stopped in his tracks completely. The demon appeared in front of Dan, grabbing Phil in a chokehold and slamming him against the stone wall in one quick, harsh movement._

_Dan stilled, his face paling. His breath had been wiped out of him as if he was the one who had just been choked, his goosebumps now violent marks covering his body._  
_The demon let go of Phil, and he fell to the floor, not unconscious, but weak._

_"See, Dan, my first thought was just to kill the both of you. The thing you inferior hunters don't realise is that just because I'm not attracted to your blood, doesn't mean I don't want to kill you whatever chance I have. It's just a bit of fun, y'know?" The demon turned around to him, winking. It's appearance was that of a human, but it's skin was tinted with grey, and deadly pale. It's eyes held no life, and it's movements were paranormal._  
_"So I decided to make it even more fun. Ask me how, Daniel. Go on." It ordered, eering closer to Dan._  
_"H-how are you going to make it more fun?" He obeyed, asking the question with as little expression as possible. Although his stuttering was a giveaway, his voice was clear, and not completely obvious he was scared witless._

_"I decided to make into a game!" It bellowed, cackling with a toxic glee. "Little Philly here is going to play my game, and you're going to have a front row seat," It said, the walls of the tunnel dissipating in an instant, revealing a blank projector screen and a chair in the tunnel over._

_The demon was back by Dan in less than a second, and it yanked onto his hair, dragging him over by the chair and dropping him down onto it. "Phil's going to go get ready, but don't be scared, Danny, you'll see him soon enough. I've heard your conversations about wanting Phil to pursue his acting dreams, not being able to wait to see him on the big screen. And now you finally will," It's diabolical voice seethed, as Dan watched Phil dematerialise too._

_"While we wait, why don't you tell me about yourself, Daniel?" It's voice appeared almost friendly, appearing completely differently to how it had prior._  
_"You seem to already know all of it, what would be the point?" The demon laughed at Dan's reply, it's hands clutching it's stomach desperately._  
_"Do you not have any polite, mannerly etiquette?"_  
_"Not for demons." He shot back, sending it a glare._

_"I wouldn't try and test me, boy, do remember I have yours and your boyfriend's life in my hands. I could break your neck in the next second, understand?"_  
_Dan stuttered a pathetic 'yes', the potential outcomes of his and Phil's lives spiralling around his head like an incessant static._

_Soon, the demon disappeared, claiming he was going to 'check up on' Phil. Dan was terrified, of course he was, but he knew it was in his best interest to stay where he was. He used his spare time taking in his surroundings, and trying to wrap his head around all the abilities the demon seemed to have._  
_The chair he was sat on had already begun digging into his back, it being made by a rough plastic material. It was in the middle of a rather spacious room - previously the tunnel - and everything was black. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, all black, and the only colour in the room currently was the white from the projector and the colour from the mismatched socks Dan was wearing which he had conveniently grabbed from Phil's draw this morning._

_The room didn't seem very abnormal, he could easily compare it to the drama rooms he'd been in at school. It was just more empty, and had a much more creepy, decrepit feel to the area. It was warmer in this room than it had been in the tunnel next to it, however Dan was now unsure the tunnel was even beside it anymore, given that this demon seemed to be able to make things transport and disappear. There wasn't a way for Dan to escape that he knew of, as the whole room was completely blocked off. No windows, no doors. Just a room. Bizarrely, this was a comfort to Dan. He felt more protected, even if there was no way for anyone to find them. He hoped this demon was the only one they'd encounter, and that the so called 'game' wasn't completely terrifying and they managed to make it out alive._  
_The demon was definitely scary, he was undeniably formidable, but it seemed he only wanted to mess with them instead of inflicting any pain, he thought._

_-_

_The projector crackled a few times, before showing a clear picture. It was of the outside of a building, and as it zoomed in closer, Dan realised it wasn't just any normal building, it was a dollhouse. It then flashed to another video, a small annotation indicating the video was live, happening right this second._  
_The video was of Phil, him standing in what seemed to be the front hallway of the house, tears streaking his cheeks. Dan wanted so much to be able to rush up to him, to wipe the tears from his face and make everything okay, like Phil always had for him, but he couldn't. He was stuck sitting and watching in the uncomfortable chair, and he knew it could only get worse from here._

_He had to admit, this demon was clever. Most other supernatural beings just wanted to kill you, and then leave. They were easy to capture and weren't overly intellectual. This one was different. It somehow realised watching your loved one in pain was more a punishment than anything else. Instead of just killing them for treading in it's catacombs, it wanted to teach them a lesson._

_Dan also had to admit that maybe their way of going about capturing the supernatural was wrong. But it was a big risk leaving them out in the world where they could kill just about anyone, or anything. They had to take precautions, they had to save the lives of hundreds of thousands of people that could potentially be killed._  
_Dan and Phil had already been aware of this. Phil practically cried whenever he realised he'd accidentally trodden on an ant, never mind capturing things that had the appearance and mental capacity of human beings - but he also realised that they were dangerous. That he was doing a good deed. They had spent many a late night discussing this, and Dan knew it was a moral that played in Phil's mind often._

_Sometimes Dan felt guilty. If Dan didn't need Phil to do his job, Phil probably would've quit by now. But Dan also knew he loved his job as well, it was rewarding knowing that you were changing the lives of so many people for the better._

_Phil was stood still in the hallway, looking as if he was unable to move at all. The dollhouse was decorated adequately, worn away vintage wallpaper on the walls, and off colour carpet. Without warning, an ear blasting siren sounded throughout the house, before a robotic voice spoke._  
_"Phil. Walk five steps forward. Turn left. Walk into the room."_  
_Phil obeyed, and as he made his way into the room on the left, a display cupboard fell, shattering the dishes placed inside. If Phil had taken just one step slower, it would've crushed him entirely._

_Dan's breath was caught in his throat, him trying to compose himself for his boyfriend - even if Phil couldn't see him._  
_"Grab a sharp end of one of the broken plates. Go towards the pig on the counter, and cut it. Use the blood to write a message."_

_"W-what? But it's alive! I can't!" Phil whimpered, tears spilling down his face in fast clumps._  
_"But you have to. You don't want us to harm Daniel. So do it." The voice rang out, ordering Phil against his wishes._

_"Don't worry, Dan, I'm not going to lay a finger on you. Not yet, anyway," The demon assured him._  
_"Then why manipulate Phil into thinking so?" Dan questioned bravely, blinking back tears for Phil's sake._  
_"Because then he'll do what I want. Manipulation is a fantastic skill, Howell, you'd learn well from me, you know,"_

_By this point, Phil had already picked up a broken part of the dish and was walking towards the pig slowly, clearly shaking and distraught. Dan couldn't imagine the things running through Phil's head, and he watched as the man braced himself for what he was about to do._

_He cut a stripe down the pig's back, and the blood surfaced immediately. Dan guessed the demon had entranced the pig somehow, as it didn't struggle or make any noise, it just seemed..lifeless._

_Shaken up, Phil reluctantly picked up the paintbrush that had appeared next to him and, closing his eyes, dipped it into the line of blood. He moved over to the designated space on the tiled wall and waited for the voice to give him further instruction._  
_"I have a secret, it is that I am wise,_  
_Through this red liquid you shall find a prize_

_Deep beyond the marbled wood,_  
_There once was a house, here it stood,_  
_Now there's nothing left but a tiny trace_  
_Of a lifeless body, without a face._  
_This is what you will write."_

_"What? B-but there's not enough blood for that!" Phil sobbed, his shirt now damp with tears, and specks of blood._  
_"Exactly." The voice boomed, and, looking back at the pig, it's cut had mysteriously healed, and it was back to normal. Suddenly, Phil was transported. He was now in another room of the house, in clean clothes. You could obviously tell he was still distraught, and now confused at his sudden movement._

_"Philip. Grab a pen and a sheet of paper from the desk in front of you. Write why you hate Dan. Write why he holds you back from everything you want to do in life. Write why he's really a nuisance. Why sometimes you regret ever being with him in the first place."_

_"None of that is true, is it?" Dan's voice cracked, a tear slipping, him watching as Phil sat at the desk, staring at his paper._  
_Instead of answering, the demon just laughed at him, beaming in the delight of watching the two of them suffer._

_Phil hadn't written a single word, and it had been 14 minutes since the voice asked him to. Dan just watched, his mind racing to urge him with every scenario that could possibly be written down, making his paranoia relentless. Every tiny thing, joke, word Dan had ever said or done, he was overthinking, worrying Phil really was too good for him. Obviously, Dan thought this anyway, but did Phil agree? Did Phil think that Dan was keeping him from achieving what he dreamed to do? Each minute that passed was an extra stab to the heart for Dan._

_"Write. Now." The voice ordered once more, and Phil's eyes popped. He tilted his head down, and began writing in his familiar scrawl. Dan closed his eyes, more tears slipping down his cheeks, and he refused to look at the words he was writing._  
_His refusal was broken by a sharp slap to his face, and he looked up in fear._  
_"You will watch all of this, Howell," The demon told him, not a mark of amusement across his features. He got up and walked to stand at the other end of the room, behind Dan, while Phil had finished his task, but the camera had changed and he wasn't able to read what was written._

_He was thankful._

_Phil had now been moved to another room, the bathroom. A tap was already running, and had filled the pink bathtub halfway. The room was very old fashioned, similar to the others, with floral tiles and faded pink and green facilities. There was no voice ordering him to do anything, and the man stood confused. Like the room Dan was in, there was no door or windows, nothing. Just bathroom furniture, the same you'd find in any regular house, albeit a grandma's one at that._

_"I don't understand," Phil admitted, his voice barely that of a whisper._  
_"Oh, you will." Said the voice, before the audio gave out a crackly fuzz and ended. Phil walked a few steps further, his eyes taking in everything around him. The taps were now giving out water faster than before, and in a matter of seconds the water began spilling over the edge._

_Phil gasped, before kneeling down and grappling into the bath, splashing more water over him and onto the floor. He felt all around the bath, as more water came onto the floor, but there was no plug. He turned towards the taps, twisting, his eyebrows knotted together and teeth biting his lip. The taps would not budge._

_Water was being emitted awfully fast, and now was in pools at his feet, as he was pulling at the taps with despair. To no avail._

_The sink squeaked behind him and, to his horror, liquid had started pouring out of the faucets. By the strong scent and vivid colour, it was distinctly blood. His head reeled and he gagged at the scent, walking backwards until his back hit the wall._

_The water was now hitting his thigh, a light pink colour having been mixed with the fluid, tears running the length of his cheek, almost at the same pace as the water beneath him._

_Dan couldn't bare to watch, the inevitable ending clear to him. A shimmer of hope deep within him hoped that they would move Phil soon, but as the water got nearer and nearer the thought retreated. The pain the two had felt that day was going to last a lifetime, and Dan's body shook as the water hit Phil's neckline._

_The projector cut out._

_Dan's sobs could be heard throughout the dark room, laced with heartbreak and anguish. They were almost screams, bouncing off the monochrome walls around him, and making his entire body quiver._  
_The projector flicked on again, and Phil could be seen lying, not yet conscious, on a bed. It was small, made for kids, and coloured pink, worn out and half ripped stickers littering the headboard._  
_Utter relief washed over Dan and he took a drawn out breath, pain still imminent and rushing through his senses._

_A sigh could be heard coming from the man spaced out on the bed, and he sat up with a jolt, his palm rushing to rub his head, as if he'd knocked it badly on the transport there. He groaned quietly, twisting his legs around and off the bed, clearly preparing himself for another deadly challenge._

_But there was nothing. He was stood there, eyes pacing around the room, the fear pronounced and visible in his expressions._

_It had been 40 minutes, and still, nothing. It was almost as if he didn't want to sit down for fear of punishment, but Dan thought his legs must be aching now, especially with the added pain of the day's events. The anticipation was agonising, like a cliffhanger that never delivered. Dan and Phil were both instantaneously waiting for the same, emotionless voice to call out, and were left with apprehensive silence._

_-_

_Dan realised, as the monitor cut out, the true meaning of the punishment they both had so endured. It wasn't that they were being put through the actual act of the punishment per se, but the anticipation and prolepsis that lead up to it. Phil hadn't actually cut the pig and written whimsical poetry in it's blood, the pig had turned out fine. Dan had never found out what he had written, he had never had to give it to him. He hadn't drowned, although he was close, he just thought he was going to. And he'd been left waiting for hours, his mind thinking of worse scenarios every minute that ticked by._  
_It was also a punishment for Dan. Dan had to witness every detail, every sick and twisted plot schemed by the nefarious demon, he saw first hand. And he couldn't save his beloved, all he could was watch with horror written across his features._

_Trepidation, Dan thought, was the worst punishment one could experience. It was both emotionally and physically exhausting, tiredness dragging them both down._  
_The demon appeared at Dan's shoulder, it's words twisting into his ears and making his spine shiver._  
_"Would you go through all this for Philly, Dan?" It asked, eyes glinting in the dark light._  
_"Of course I would, I'd do anything for him. He's the apple of my eye, etc, etc.." Dan defended, poorly trying to prove a point without being too forward._  
_"But would you? Are you as committed? You and I both know Phil is too good for you, and maybe I'd be saying this if it was just the fact of the matter that I simply can't help but pine over the delectable scent of his blood and rich attractiveness, but that's not the fact of the matter. It's that you're simply not good enough. I've had fun today, Dan, I really have," It said, stopping to give out a maniacal laugh "But I'm not done. In my mind, people either deserve the world, or they deserve nothing. You get to decide Phil's fate, huh, how's that sound?" It questioned, as Dan gulped, his breath catching in his throat._

_"Phil can either die here, today. In that room. Left there forever, in a void, until he inevitably rots away into nothing. Or, you can erase his memory. He'll have all his memories of him at work, just without the memories of you. He can get on with his life, and you can bugger off. Seems like a pretty fair deal to me."_

_Dan wanted to scream, to let all his pent up emotions out into the atmosphere. But he could not, he decided, for safety reasons, and instead let out a feeble sigh, placing his head in his hands. The question sure seemed easy, and he wouldn't let anyone threaten Phil's life for a second. But it was difficult, he realised._

_Phil was..everything to Dan. Sure, they could start over, but Dan will have 6 years worth of memories where Phil has none. Phil will always be 6 years behind Dan, being without him, well. It seemed impossible. Think of it like an addiction. Or like a pull. Phil is the thing worth living for, the thing keeping him alive and grounded and excited to wake up in the morning just so he could see the morning stubble and bright irises. Without that, Dan was nothing._

_Time had passed considerably since the demon first asked him, and it was blatant that it was growing impatient._  
_"Answer me!" It screeched, face only mere centimetres away from Dan's. His body quaked, gripping onto to the plastic chair. "I, I mean, obviously I choose to erase his memory," He replied quietly, his voice ribboned with forlorn remorse, tears s_

_tinging his eyes once more._

_-_

_Dan opened his eyes to the sight before him, the accustomed scene that always took his breath away. The sun drowning through the translucent material of his curtains, the tinted light incandescently glowing onto the wall beside him._

_He rolled over, stretching his arms out to wrap around Phil - but it was empty._  
_"Phil?" He called out, looking out from the open bedroom door into the hallway from where he was led, assuming his boyfriend had expectedly popped into the shower or just gone to get himself a cup of tea._  
_Dan wasn't a fan of the empty feeling in his apartment, and although nothing **seemed** off, Dan could sense something wasn't completely as it was usually._

_He let a few minutes pass, relishing in the soft cushion of his mattress, still exhausted. He called out again, and sure enough, he was met with the same silence. What silence was abundantly comforting in his usual sense, it had now become unsettling._

_He got up out of his current position and trudged into the main section of his flat, and it was virtually spotless. Phil was definitely not here, the matter muddling Dan's brain. He could've sworn Phil didn't have any early work to do, and he almost always woke up curled into his side._

_He entered back into their bedroom, picking his phone up off the side. His eyes scanned over his recent notifications, none from Phil. He unlocked his phone, flicking through his most recent messages, Phil not appearing._  
_Shaking his head in confusion, Dan opening a new message, typing in various contact names he could've put Phil's under recently and forgotten about. Nothing._

_He flicked back to his home screen, and where their used to be a picture of Phil, there was now the default iPhone background. Where all the pictures of him and Phil were, were now just lonesome selfies. There was no trace Dan ever knew Phil, and it suddenly hit him why._  
_He remembered the past events of the day before, and it all added up. The lack of house plants, and warm embrace. The lack of colour, of life._  
_Him and Phil had never met._

_Of course, they **had** met, yet everyone was unaware of this apart from Dan._

_-_

_Dan had found out soon enough that some people did know about Dan and Phil's past affairs, that some things hadn't been removed, such as the past missions Dan and Phil had been on. While Phil's memories were replaced with other missions that had never happened, the records were still there, but still, the only people who knew were his boss, and his friend Emmy, when he had confided in her later on._

_The hours and days passing Dan's realisation were tiresome, and the ache in his chest resonated, reminding him of what he was missing. Think of it as if he was in mourning; the certain inevitability of him never speaking to Phil again, or seeing him, wasn't imminent, they still worked together, even if Dan planned to keep his distance, but the vivid memories of before were now non existent, and it had been sprung upon him. There wasn't time to think about the consequences, it just happened, and that left Dan with an almost stupefaction to his mindset._

_He spent most of his time either curled up in his bed in a silent oblivion, or going through every possible physical evidence he might have of Phil. The frames memories once hung in were now either filled with a gratuitous picture of a flower Dan couldn't remember taking, or just the dull background of cardboard._  
_The post it notes they used to leave for each other were now lists for shopping, items that weren't Phil's. In Dan's mind the colours of the sticky notes weren't as bright as before, although he knew the viridescent had been paled by the sunlight._  
_Dan now had a substantial gap in his wardrobe, where Phil's clothes used to hang on their coordinating bright hangers. Now just lay the various shades of black, and Dan portrays them as a metaphor for his mind._  
_Most of the humorous mugs were gone, leaving Dan with spare shelves, spare shelves where he could've stocked cereal that Phil would have inescapably eaten, even though he had his own standing on a shelf below._

_The lounge was free of quirky cushions and plushies, the air surrounding him no longer smelling of the imaginative scents Phil would buy immersed into overly-expensed candles. It was fair to say the idiosyncratic ways that used to annoy Dan to no end he now missed immensely, to him they were home. But his home was now just a lifeless flat, lacking personality. Just like Dan._

_-_

_When Phil woke up, he wasn't entirely sure why he felt different. It wasn't wholly, more around the intensity of a dull ache, but it bugged him. His apartment was as it always had been, colourful, and immaculate, the only things keeping him company were his houseplants, but even they seemed to be feeling off._

_Like all humans, Phil had off days. But this day, felt more off than he ever had been. It wasn't filled with sadness and miraculous epiphanies, but yet, something felt..missing, rather than new._  
_It was almost as if a part of him had been misplaced and left somewhere, the odd emptiness of his apartment ringing alarm bells to him._

_He felt a strange force compelling him to talk to someone, as if there was a message on his phone he hadn't replied to, or a call he hadn't picked up, that he needed to return. Although, he had checked, and there was nothing, apart from the odd twitter notification and a text from his boss, telling him the task he was meant to do that day had been cancelled, and he therefore didn't need to come into work that day._

_As he poured himself an obligatory morning coffee, he pondered the outlandish feel of his flat, which had only just come apparent to him. It seemed too lively, all the colours popping out at once, he decided. It needed more monochrome to even it out, to take some attention away from the hyperactive mess of various hues. Phil also decided he was like that, as if his flat was the perfect metaphor to decipher exactly how he was feeling at that current moment in time. He hadn't had a date in over 6 years, and he needed someone who could even out him, who was almost the opposite to his innocent and characteristically childish persona. They needed the same interests, obviously, but they also needed a strong personality, someone who balanced it out._

_The coffee burned his tongue and left a bitter trail down his throat, somehow not comparing to the coffee he could remember, the energising experience now a bland one. He couldn't pinpoint exactly just what was making his every move unnerving, and it just unsettled him more._

_*_

_Phil had decided, since he had a day off, that he would go into town and traipse about the shops for a while. His apartment was definitely harrowing and a separate conscious urged him to go out. So far he'd only gone into starbucks and the local bookstore, and had now wound himself up lost._  
_He didn't know how he had lived there 6 years and still had the minute ability to get lost, but this was Phil, and it was also London, so in some ways he presumed it was predictable._

_The street he was on was different to the others that had lead him here, the cobbled ground uneven. There weren't many shops, and the ones that weren't an empty gap in the lane seemed to have closed down many years before. The absence was a reminder of life in his flat, although it was soon forgotten by a building at the end, that caught his eye._  
_The lights glinting across the brick walls, shadows of purple and green and blue. The sign read "Tarot Reading: OPEN", and all he could think about was how it sparked excitement inside of him._  
_His feet rushed him over before his brain could process anything, his eagerness bubbling as the door chimed, shutting behind him._

_"Hello, love. Come for your tarot reading? We also do palms and horoscopes, psychic stuff, telling your future and the like," the lady explained, kitted in assorted scarves and jewellery, a ring on every finger, all different colours, a sentiment that plastered a smile across his face._

_"Yeah!" Phil enthused, before realising he hadn't specified a particular service, "tarots," he continued, pulling out the seat opposite the lady sat at the table and sitting down on it, a wide grin still engrained onto his face._  
_The lady chuckled, grabbing the cards placed to her right._

_"Okay, first we shall look at the month before," she explained, picking up a card. "The nine of cups reversed represents last month, your last month. It says here you were vain, complacent, over sentimental, careless and neglecting of your partner." She continued, tutting._

_"Well, that's funny. I don't actually have a partner! Haven't for 6 years," he gave a laugh at this, almost worrying he'd overshared on his private life and information regarding so._  
_"Really? But my tarots are never wrong. Are you....oh!" She gave an expression as if a lightbulb had been turned on in her mind, and, unbeknownst to Phil, she had figured out his problem. "Well, anyway, you're a very attractive lad to be single 6 years, ya know," she rambled, distracting away from the situation at hand. "Anyway, current month. That's the three of swords, it's going to predict how you are right now, throughout this month. Hm, it says heartache is inevitable. Missing anyone?" She asked, a glint in her eye._

_"That's funny you asked, actually. I woke up this morning with a weird kind of dull ache? And I kept feeling like I'm missing something, like while sleeping I lost a vital organ or something! Which is a bit weird. But physically I'm not missing anyone, everyone I knew before is still in my life, so I don't really know," The lady just nodded, taking in the newly added information wisely._

_"This card is the next month, your future. The knight of wands. You're going to meet a guy, he's going to have a very big impact on your upcoming life. He's an energetic warrior, and has a hasty personality. He's very quick to love or hate. He's the missing puzzle piece to something you never knew you needed. Success shall crown your endeavours," he listens, eyes wide, taking in all the information with unexplained intent. He feels like every word she's reciting is true, and he supposes he's always believed in the magical senses and equivocal nature._

_"Success shall crown my endeavours..isn't that from Frankenstein? That's my favourite book!" He gushes, and her smile is less caused by his enthusiasm and more by his foreseeable future._  
_"Who knows, maybe the certain laddy will like that book too and you'll bond," She jokes, although she knows what she's foreshadowing._

_"Who knows, maybe he will," Phil smiles, entwining his fingers together as he watches the woman pack up her cards._  
_"How much do I owe you?"_  
_"Just think of it as a favour," she says, and Phil nods, after insisting he pays her another 4 times, and walks through the wonted chime above the door._

_-_

_That night,Phil is restless under the uncomfortable sheets, reliving the tarot experience, repeating the words in his head like a mantra. Energetic warrior. Knight of wands. He has a hasty personality. Big impact. He was unsure of why the words stuck in his head so much, of why it seemed to mean so much to him. His grandma used to read tarot's to him all the time, it was never a big deal. He had to admit the lady did have a certain effervescence to her that made the whole experience rather intriguing, but it wasn't the experience that was keeping him up per se, it was the words._

_*_

_Under the same stars, Dan is restless too, for reasons different to the man's parallel. He was restless because of Phil, because of the emptiness beside him. He had failed to go to work that day, and instead skulked around his flat, misery palpable._

_His skin itched under the rough stitching of his duvet, something he'd never noticed while in the warmth of Phil's arms. He regretted never taking Phil up on that offer to go to Ikea. In annoyance, he ripped the duvet off of him, exposing his stomach to the crippling cold that was his apartment. A loud groan could be heard evaporating off of Dan's lips, and he grabbed his phone off of the bedside table, flicking though nonsensical notifications, miscellaneous snapchats from co workers and a "hope ur okay x" text from Emmy. He sighed, placing his phone flat down on the table again, turning himself over in hopes of a more comfortable position and possible attainable sleep._

_Unavoidably, Dan eventually fell asleep, the duvet lack to his posture and wrapping him in the moderate warmth he had without Phil by his side._

-

Dan awoke to the provoking sound of his phone ringing, the anonymous picture indicating it must be his boss. He picked up indignantly, not in any way interested in whatever it was that his boss somehow needed to tell him at 7:01am.

"Hello?" Dan choked out blearily, his voice crooked and blurry in the midst of a time as early as this, words dissolving into the sunlight.  
"Dan! Glad to see you're awake at this time," his boss told him, his cheery tone visible through the receiver, that usually had all word's coming out robotic and monotonous.

"I'm usually not awake Barry, you woke me up," Dan told him, glad in a way that he had a boss he could complain at, rather than one who would sack him for anything of the matter, even if Barry could be a nuisance at times.

"Terribly sorry son. Anyway, as you know, we've given Phil the past two days off, but he's coming in tomorrow, so, be prepared, alright? See you at 1." and with that, Barry hung up.  
Dan was slightly disappointed that the conversation had ended as quickly as it had, especially considering he had now been jolted awake, and he didn't have to be at work for another 6 hours. Half days were usually a blessing, but not in circumstances like these, Dan thought to himself.

He figured he may as well get dressed now, and then he'd have extra time to ponder over how exactly he planned to avoid Phil. Sure, they had got along at Starbucks, and Dan had put on a spectacular act, but he wasn't sure if he could perform never having seen Phil at work before, although they'd been working there for 6 years in the same field.  
When they'd met at Starbucks the first time, they had gone into work the next day and, completely unabashedly realised they worked at the same place, both starting out as receptionists. They then came to know that each had seen an advertisement in the local newspaper and were both heavily intrigued at working in a place that dealt with such cases. However, now Phil had been working for years, and everybody knew everybody in the workplace, that's just how things went. Dan just hoped Phil would buy his 'I'm such a social recluse I guess you've just never seen me out of my office' act.

Dan took an extra long time getting ready that morning. Not only was it because he had more time than usual, but also - he presumed - because he wanted to catch Phil's eye, in the chance he came across him. He knew his way of thinking was materialistic and shallow, but it was worth a try. Anything was worth a try.

Right?

Gradually, where the fear once was that he'd inevitably see Phil at work, had vanished, and now he almost had an uncharacteristic excitement at the thought, thinking up different scenarios and what he'd say when Phil asked why they hadn't seen each other around yet.  
None of them seemed to fit.

Sometimes Dan felt he could almost laugh at his situation and how absolutely unbelievable it sounded, was. But he didn't, of course he didn't, because the deep emotions that circled the situation were not buried, rather; burning against his skin.

He often wished he had someone, anyone, that could possibly relate to anything he was going through at the time. The closest he got were those whose partners had forgotten them due to accidents or old age, none of which applied to him. (well, the accident one, maybe.) But then he still had no one who could reassure him of how to explain to his loved one the bizarre occurrence that rendered him forgetful. At least Phil still worked in the same career, and wouldn't be as utterly astounded at a story so explicably profound, or would think he was lying at about the nonsense he spurted referencing the demons. But it would still cause confusion, questions, situations Dan was neither prepared for, nor wanted to enduce. These were the outcomes, and there was nothing changing that. Unless Dan never told Phil. Unless he got on with his life as a casual acquaintance/possible friend of Phil's. Unless he quit his job and moved to Manchester, someplace he and Phil dreamed of moving to to settle down sometime. Unless he made Phil think the worse of him, so he'd be put off him.

Dan's excitement about meeting Phil faded as fast the sunset did that night. Maybe it was a metaphor, but Dan wasn't in the mood to deduce conclusions.

He opted for what he thought was the best distraction currently - a shower. Maybe also because he didn't exactly want to have a nasty odour in front of Phil, but also because he wanted the steam and fog and harsh music to take his mind away from where it was at the moment. He wanted to lose himself in the lyrics that somehow explained perfectly just what he was going through, even if they didn't.

Isn't that just it though, Phil? Dan thought, as he stripped off for the shower. Isn't that how everything is? People hear words and twist them to their own liking, so it fits their meaning that they deem acceptable. We're all selfish, really. And I know you say you want people to see your artwork and paintings and thoughts and conclude meanings from their own creative mind but I hate that. I want people to see the art you create and know why you painted it, know the trauma or nice happenings that were the true creation of your artwork. People are selfish Phil, people are selfish. _I'm selfish_.

Dan's thoughts to Phil were cut off by the water flow, and he felt transported. In a mere 10 minutes his thoughts of Phil were gone, and he appreciated that. He hoped, maybe he would be the subject of Phil's dreams. Maybe, even, Phil had been thinking about him since they last spoke. That was where it lifted off, hopeless wishes on stars and counting down till the clock hit eleven:eleven.

-

Dan's walk to work that morning was brisk. The air was chilly, and his quick breaths evaporated out in front of him like the exhalation of nicotine. He was glad no co workers had taken the same route as him, wanting to be alone with his mind as he wandered down frozen pathways and past offices.

Everything he saw was bleak. The leaves had no colour, the sky was paling with mist, and even the raindrops seemed pathetic.

Today would be a long day.

He noted every building he passed, varying from sky scrapers to garages and run down stores with meaningless graffiti.

"Tape 1: I hate you. the term lovesick, does it apply? you burn my tongue. get out" was the only one he could depict, the rest logos or scribble. He preffered the scribble. Quotes meant nothing, no poetry could compare to the art that left Phil's lips every day. Every word he spoke was musical. Nothing could compare.

He shifted his rucksack further around his arms, playing with the straps and running them inbetween his fingers. Nothing could compare.

As his work builidng drew closer, the nauseous feeling in Dan's stomach reeled. He wanted to leave, to run away anywhere. There was no one around and yet he felt all eyes on him.

He reminded himself to take deep breaths, psyching himself up, going through procedures Phil had taught him years ago. They still worked. Nothing could compare.

As he opened the door to the building, the faded scent wafted around, warming and a nice change to the cold air he'd been in, stinging his eyes. He received a few 'hello's' as he made his way past reception desks and toward the elevator, before stopping and taking the stairs instead.

Nothing could compare.

Although he only went up four flights, he was already exhausted, unable to breathe. He really shouldn't have ran. But, oddly, he never wanted the feeling to go away. Feeling this was better than feeling nothing, and certainly better than how he felt when there was nothing left to think about other than Phil. Nothing could compare.

He was glad his office was the first door, hurrying inside and shutting the door behind him. He could breathe. It was a weight off his shoulders, now, that he had avoided Phil, and he hoped none of his co-workers would name drop. They often came into his office, "Do you have any sellotape I could borrow? Kate's supply ran out and you're the closest office to mine", "Hey, have you got a spare drink? Max bloody took mine from the fridge thinking it was his".

His main goals of the day were to stay lowkey. If he didn't do anything worth talking about, or even noticing, no one would have anything to spread. And if he stayed inside the comforts of his office all day, nobody would see him anyway. He told himself it wasn't to avoid Phil, he had a lot of paperwork due and needed to write reports of the demon's he'd encountered. He knew he was lying to himself, the paperwork wasn't urgent and would be done in an hour, tops. That still left another 3 hours. But, he digressed. It would be okay, things always were, weren't they?

He began fiddling with the guillotine on his desk, moving the handle backwards and forwards subconsciously, letting his mind wander the depths of his worries, before he reminded himself his paperwork was his top priority, seeing as that was his ready excuse for hiding away. For a moment he thought he could somehow write something about frankenstein, or a poem, or draw a doodle or anything and slide it under Phil's door, like they used to, when they'd make silly little cartoon sketches and comics that told stories of unknown superheroes and damsels in distress. Nothing could compare.

-

Dan was 2 hours into his lazy work routine, and everything had gone smoothly. No interruptions, no distractions, just him and his lonesome thoughts. And paperwork. Which he had conveniently managed to finish just 15 minutes in, and had spent the rest of his time stacking random notes and playing piano tiles. But no one had to know about that, did they?

Dan was halfway into his riveting game when there were a short 2 raps on the door, and before he even had the chance to answer a face popped round the door, a kind smile and wide eyes, and fuck, he was beautiful. He was beautiful and he was also stood in Dan's office. Suddenly it didn't seem so bad anymore.

"H-hi?" Dan managed to blurt out, rubbing his hands on his jeans before awkwardly getting up, keeping a fair distance between them.

"Hi Dan! So I was just passing by one of the vending machines, for a crisp break, and I passed by Emmy, you know Emmy, and she told me that she knew we had met at starbucks and how weird it was that we'd never seen each other at work! Isn't that weird?" Phil rambled, a grin still imminent on his face.

Dan swallowed back the words he so desperately wanted to say, and instead gave him a small smile and a nod, not wanting to show how involved he really was with the conversation. It was nothing particularly exciting, but God, that man could spend 2 hours ranting about bees and Dan would listen with intent like his life depended on it.

"And it's so weird we both joined in 2009? We've been here 6 years and never seen each other? How are you, by the way?" he asked, and Dan's heart both sank and fluttered with joy at the exact time, because he wanted Phil to not care about his existence but he wanted Phil to care about him, and in he was at war with himself and his contradictive emotions.

"I'm good, thanks, Phil. Yourself?" He replied coolly, awaiting a certain response he would never get. He wanted Phil to remember, surely there was no way every ounce of him could have forgotten their past. There was too much of it.

"Oh I'm really good thank you! I did get attacked by a pigeon this morning though, on my way to work," he explained, holding up his thumb, covered in a colourful plaster with some sort of cartoon character on.

"Wow, sounds eventful," Dan chuckled, eyes slightly creasing up at the sides, laughter lines tracing his cheeks.

"It definitely was! Oh, by the way, the reason I came down here was to actually discuss Frankenstein with you further, when we talked about it at starbucks you mentioned you did a play for it in school, and also that you'd been to see a play, and I completely forgot to ask you about it, so - did you enjoy the play you went to see? Because I personally loved the one I went to go see a few years back, but I prefer the book, you know? I feel more involved in the words,"

It was as if Phil had taken the words right out of Dan's mouth, and Dan recalls having that feeling the first few dates they went on, before their thoughts just kind of merged and it became known to them that they had the same outlooks on almost everything, bar a few small topics they always dodged speaking about, knowing their opinions differed.

"Exactly! It was phenomenal, but the book...I mean, the play just..it can't compare,"

"Nothing could compare." Phil butted in, and Dan smiled knowingly.

"Nothing could." He smiled.

-

"Oh my god you spork, that's nowhere near the bin!" Dan exclaimed at Phil's poor aim.

They were both on a break at work, crumpling used pieces of paper and throwing them into the assigned bin from different distances. Dan was winning.

Phil had been coming into Dan's office every break for the past week, and Dan wasn't entirely surprised at how close they had become in this time. He was, however, disappointed that Phil remembered nothing. He didn't blame Phil, he couldn't, it was moreso blaming himself. He didn't know which was harder.

"Well soooorrryyy captain coach of the basketball team, we can't all be as good as you," Phil shot back, his best attempt at an insult.

"Captain coach? Basketba- Phil we're not even playing anything remotely like basketball," Dan gave a hearty laugh at Phil's minute quirks, a toothy smile soon taking place on his lips. It was impossible not to fall in love with him every time he spoke, how half the office weren't already in love with Philip Lester was unknown to Dan.

They collapsed in fits of giggles about something now forgotten, both relishing in the warm buzz in their stomachs and aching smiles on their faces, content to be in each other's presence. As it always has been, as it always should be. Dan hoped it stayed that way. '

"Phil?"

"Yes, Dan?"

"Have you ever thought about how all our lives are basically pointless in the renounced concept of the universe and how our lives don't matter because we're all going to end up dead anyway and life will always go on, until of course we get sucked into a black hole and nothing is left of our existence and we've wasted years of studying for office 'basketball' and lying on office floors?"

"Um, no, not really. I prefer to think positively, to be honest. I think - lives do matter. Because everyone contributes to something that changes someone else's life. I mean, just smiling at a stranger on the streets can change their life, right? So think how much everything else people do with their whole lives must impact people,"

Dan winced, painful memories of demons telling him Phil was too good for him, too pure. How he was really a nuisance in Phil's life. Had Dan ever impacted Phil in a good way? He hoped so.

"Do you think you've ever impacted anyone?" Dan asked, knowing the answer himself all too well.

"I hope so."

Dan got up from where he was laid, and studied his watch. "Crap, Phil, break was over 2 minutes ago and I have a ton of work to do. I'm gonna have to get started on it,"

It wasn't necessarily a lie, break was over, but he had hardly any work to do considering he'd filled out the paperwork on his most recent job, and 2 minutes wasn't a long time to go over break at all. Phil didn't even have to leave, it wasn't a rarity that co-workers stayed in each other's offices and helped each other work, but Dan couldn't stay like this with Phil for long amounts of time.

He was worried that soon enough he'd forget, and accidentally drop something that they'd done together before the accident and confuse Phil further. He was worried that if he spent too long with Phil it would go back to normal. But it was evident Phil only liked Dan as a friend and nothing more. There was no flirting or romantic tendencies like there were 6 years ago, it was just friendly jokes and quips and conversations. Dan didn't want to mess anything up.

So he often pushed Phil away. It was a hardship, he wanted nothing more than to have Phil at his side every second of the day, that was the aspiration, but it would never happen until Dan told Phil the truth. He wasn't prepared for that. It was too risky.

"Ah okay, well, I'll let myself out," Phil told him, as Dan sat back behind his desk. "See you tomorrow?"

"Maybe," Dan gave him a nod as he spoke, and with that, Phil was out the door.

Although being with Phil was difficult, it was more difficult to be away from him. When they weren't together Dan's mind flooded with more thoughts about Phil than usual. Phil, Phil, Phil, and so on.

It was almost inevitable that they would end up reconciled, after all, it really was such a small world. And in such a small world, it was not profound for Dan to be so desperately in love with Phil.

They say each person has 7 true loves out there in the world. But really, Dan thought, there were six people that didn't seem so bad to be with, that brought you joy, but weren't typically your soulmate. A lot of people ended up with these, after all, it was a 6/7 chance.

And then, the lucky ones, they find the seventh. The seventh; and he is beautiful and wise and the kindest soul. He is like the breeze in the willows and the sun reflected on treetops. And once you have found him the sixes - they cannot compare. The compatibility is too far behind and they seem too bland.

-

It was a day later, and Phil hadn't visited Dan that break. He wasn't all too surprised, he too would have been intimidated by the harsh words he spoke and wouldn't want to annoy or provoke him.

Dan was busy getting ready for the day's end; putting his end of week work review in an enevelope and stacking it where his other paperwork lay, when Phil bust through the door.

"Come up to the roof with me?" He asked, a smile playing on his lips.

Dan was torn. On one hand, he should go, otherwise Phil could get the wrong hint and think Dan hates him, or something similar. And on the other, he really didn't want to go, because the roof had always been a special place for hin, for them - and he felt as if he would be betraying 'past them' if he went there with someone who didn't think as highly of him as past Phil did, didn't have the same feelings.

Dan knew he shouldn't give up hope, it had only been a week and their supposed friendship was good, even if he did push Phil away, they were comfortable together and he should be happy with that, it was more progress than he thought would be made. But he still thought that once they got closer, Phil would be reminded of Dan, or the love he had for him, at least.

*

Phil was desperate for Dan to come with him up to the roof. There was just something about him, something he couldn't quite pinpoint, and he wanted to talk to him, to learn everything about him. He wasn't satisifed with the 40 minute breaks they had together, they weren't long enough. The only time they had ever talked out of work was that one time at starbucks, and the other arranged starbucks meet had been completely forgotten about, washed away.

So here he was, urging Dan to come up to the roof with him. And Dan didn't seem all that surprised, he just gave a smile and nodded, like he always did. He was invariably quiet at first, the first 15 or so minutes of their break. But as he spent more time with Phil he became more and more comfortable, spinning out witticism and insults and just generally having fun, like they'd been friends for years. And Phil couldn't help but feel like they had been.

He still felt like something, _someone_ was missing in his life, but the feeling had faded the more time he spent with Dan, and was usually forgotten about when they were deep into some silly office activity, as Phil liked to create new games to play. They were enjoyable - unecessarily stupid, perhaps - but enjoyable with Dan nonetheless.

He held the door open behind him for Dan to follow, and they slowly made their way up the stairs. There were no chats, no words shared between the two, but the silence wasn't awkward, more-so requisite.

"Dan?" Phil asked, as they reached the end of the roof, overlooking the astir streets below.  
"Yes, Phil?"  
"Why are you cautious around me? Cautious of our friendship?"

"What do you mean?" Dan replied, not meeting Phil's eye and instead fixating his eyes on the road below, knowing exactly what he meant.

"Whenever you let yourself get too comfortable around me you suddenly freak out and say you have something to do, or somewhere to go. I know we've only known each other a week, but- it just feels like...you know what, never mind," he said, turning around and pacing back to the doorway of the stairs.

"No Phil, wait!" he turned around at this, giving Dan a questioning look. Walking over, Dan began thinking of a reply, one that would simultaneously make sense and not be all that much of a lie.

"It's just, I-I know we'd be great friends, _are_ great friends, but I'm not that good with people, and I don't want to say something that will make you hate me or something," Dan expressed, looking down at his feet. Surely people who have only known each other a week don't have these kinds of conflicts, they were acting as if they'd known each other a lifetime and were suddenly acting uncharacteristically, which they were.

"Dan, why would you be worried about that? I mean, I know - again - we haven't known each other long, but I honestly feel if anything you could say would offend me it would have by now," he said with a bubbly laugh, tongue poking out of the side of his mouth like it always did.

"You're such a dildo, you know that, right?"  
"Exactly my point, you're not going to offend me!" Phil defended, giving Dan a light punch to the arm.

But Dan's problem wasn't that he would offend Phil per se, but that he would give something away. Scare him off. Take something he said the wrong way and think he was being romantic. It was hard, in many ways their relationship had been more that of a best friendship, and things that used to be impassioned were now just friendly quips.

"So, is there anything you particularly wanted to do up here? Or was it just to ask that question. Because if it was then tumblr is back home waiting for me to shitpost, so...because you know, priorities and all,"

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come to the fair with me this evening? It's pretty random and short notice, I know, but it looks like it's going to be really fun," Phil enquired, a hopeful expression on his face.

Dan weighed out his options. If he went to the fair with Phil, that would be approximately 2 hours, at least, and he could definitely accidentally let something spill in that time. But it would also be a really good bonding moment for the both of them, and never in the 6 years they had been together had they ever gone to a carnival.

"Um, yeah sure, what time?"

"I'll pick you up at 6:30 if that's okay? We could also get dinner after, - if you wanted to, of course," Phil added in, not wanting to come across too eager.

"Sounds lovely. See you then," Dan said, walking toward the staircase.  
"Wait, Dan"  
"Yeah?"  
"I still don't know where you live."

-

Phil buzzed in for Dan's apartment at 6:37, and Dan had been apprehensively waiting by his door since 6:18. Phil was usually habitually a bit late, and he wasn't surprised in the least when he was, just grabbing his wallet and rushing to the elevator.

"Hi!" Dan greeted as he walked through the front doors of the apartment building, noticing Phil immediately.

He was dressed in a metallic winter coat and jeans, and Dan thought he'd never looked better.

"Nice coat Dan, you certainly look like very grim reaper-y. Was that the look you were going for?" Phil pointed toward Dan's black trench coat, stifling a giggle behind his other hand.

"Thanks, Philip, I appreciate the love," he quipped sarcastically, throwing him an eye roll for safe measure.

"You're very welcome, Daniel. My car's over here, by the way," He said, pointing toward a silver Peugeot parked in the cramped parking lot.

The car greeted Dan with warmth, and the soft sound of music playing statically in the background. It was completely different from how it had been before the accident, the dashboard had a couple of cat stickers placed precariously, and there were plushies in the glove compartment. The car smelt sweet from the hanging air refreshner, and everything inside was imminently colourful.

This was what his car would look like had he never met Dan. This is what his car did look like, without Dan's input. So what was Phil's life like without him, Dan thought. How was his apartment, his bank difference, his happiness. Was it better? A million questions raced through Dan's mind a minute and he could barely concentrate on the question Phil was firing at him at the same exact moment.  
"Huh, sorry, what was that?" He asked, turning to face Phil.

"I said: what do you think life would be like if we were like bees, and we had to pollenate stuff and sting monsters to save our lives,"  
Dan rolled his eyes again, sighing. He really was in love with a complete hooligan.

"No but like, seriously,"

Dan rolled his eyes again, before sitting up straighter in his seat.

"Hm. Well, I think that's what life really is, don't you think? We spend our whole lives studying so we can get a job, to pay for our lives and potential families, and then when we get that family, wife, husband, kids, whatever - that's just kind of it. You continue with life, you retire, we spend our lives fighting off demons, and maybe the 'demons' are actually just our negative thoughts. And maybe you should be concentrating more on driving than my metaphorical depressing crises about bees. Thanks for inducing that one, by the way."

"You're welcome. But I think you're right. Maybe that's what life is like, in which case I feel sorry for the bees,"

"But you are the bee, in this story,"

"Exactly."

Dan just shakes his head and shrugs, he was used to Phil's antics by now.

The rest of the car journey goes without anymore random questions, and without any unnecessary small talk. Dan rested his head against the biting glass of the windowpane, noticing a small sign indicating there was a funfair ahead. It had been a short drive at that, barely a few minutes, and Dan was glad. He didn't want to be drawn into any conversations that could lead to "So why haven't we seen in each other in 6 years..." - he'd seemingly rather run into a thunderstorm.

"Branson's carnival and funfair," he reads aloud, as Phil drives around looking for a parking spot. He frowns, turning away from the window to face Phil. "I've heard that before."

He mentally urges Phil to say "It's your favourite bottle of wine," but he doesn't, just turns and shrugs his shoulders, mumbling something about how he's probably seen it on a sign someplace before.

He's still driving around trying to look for a space, and a queue has amassed behind them, a length of around 9 cars, some already beginning to honk their horns.

"Phil! You just drove past a perfectly good spot, what are you doing?"

"I want one over by that pretty flower bush," Phil defended, pouting his lip.

"Oh my god you are ridiculous. No! Phil you're going the wrong way through a one way track. You can't turn around there! Oh my fuck-Phil your car is absolutely /not/ going to fit into that gap, don't even tr-PHIL,"

Eventually they were safely parked in a spot, after several angry drivers had shouted profanities regardless of the children listening in their car and all of them had honked their horns at least 5 times.

"Jesus christ Phil that took long enough," Dan complained, unbuckling his seatbelt and bolting out the car before Phil could change his mind and decide there was a prettier spot by some flowers that had just come free.

Phil giggled, hopping out the car and breaking into a run, dodging past the line of cars and heading for the entrance. Dan followed in suit with a walk, dropping his head low in shame of Phil and the cars still beeping at him while he tried to manage to not get run over.

Dan caught up eventually, while Phil was paying the admittance fee.

"That'll be three quid, mate," The guy said.

Really? £3? That seemed a vast amount of money considering once inside you were ripped off and cheated of your money on every amusement, rides and activities ranging everywhere from 50p to £7. Completely not worth it - Dan thought. But he wasn't one for public conflict, so he kept quiet, Phil signalling for Dan to go through the barrier before him with a smile.

"So, what do you wanna do first?" Phil asked him, the cool metal of the barriers hitting his legs.

Dan thought about his question. Usually, he hated being asked questions like these, if Dan were to say something the other person didn't want to do, they had the ability to judge him, and it was just an all around hassle. He was happy to do anything, but he thought about the possible rewards if he picked something he knew Phil would enjoy (which was basically anything at the carnival.)

"How about the fun house first?" Phil nodded in agreement, clapping his hands in glee. "That sounds perfect, Dan! I've never been to a carnival before, and I've always been slightly envious anytime I see people going into a funhouse on the TV. I've always wanted to experience it, y'know?"

"When have you ever seen someone going into a funhouse on the telly?!"

"You know, like, in horror tv shows, where they go into the funhouse and then it distorts and then the murderer comes in and-"

"So you've been jealous of someone being brutally killed? Nice, Phil," he said, laughing at the man's unintended words.

"That's not what I meant and you know it Dan!" Phil stepped back in acted frustration, a smile still creasing laughter lines onto his cheek.

"I know, I know. Isn't that a funhouse there?" Dan pointed to an illuminated green amusement, jungle themed, with fake leaves twisting around the sides.

They walked over to the booth attached, handing over their money. Fortunately, the ride was deserted, kids circling around the bigger rides or stuffing their faces with candyfloss.

The woman in the booth gave them a confused glance when she took their money, eyeing them up and down.

"Aren't you two a bit old to be going on the funhouse?" she questioned, furrowing her eyebrows into a tight line across her forehead, giving the illusion she had quite the monobrow.

"You're never too old for a funhouse!" Phil elated, throwing his arms up in the air in a celebratory manner, to try and prove his point further.

The woman didn't reply, instead throwing them another cautious glance, signalling for them to board the amusement.

The first part of the funhouse were moving stairs, each step moving at a different pace up and down. Somehow, Phil managed them fine, pulling himself up to the top within a few seconds. Dan stood on one of the steps in frustrated awe. Phil was the clumsiest person he'd ever met and pulled it off as if it was flat ground he was walking on, and here he was barely able to lift up a leg onto the step in front in fear he'd slip and fall back down onto the metal floor beneath him.

"Pfhhf, Phil, how...?" Dan was now struggling up a step, one leg still on the ground and the other ascending a moving step. He pulled his other foot onto one on the column next to it, both moving in completely different directions and in ending in Dan doing some kind of aerobic split exercises.

"PhilPhilPhilPhIL HELP" Phil wasn't helping, no, instead he was in fits of laughter looking down at Dan, who was now trying to lift his leg over the handles and onto the same step his other foot was on. It worked, only just, and he was now moving up and down on a singular step platform, glaring at Phil.

"Put your foot on the one in front," Phil told him, waggling his finger at the step above

"Oh, gee Phil, I didn't think of that one," he rolled his eyes, giving Phil huffed sigh, before pulling his feet onto the platforms.

He eventually got up to the top, and gave Phil a light shove. The man was giggling at him still, moving onto the next part of the ride, the backwards treadmill.

"Right, Phil, keep your pace up on this one because I do not want you flying back and knocking me down the stairs I just took 5 minutes to get up, okay?"

He hummed in reply, skipping along the treadmill with ease.

The treadmill for the most part was easy, when completed with care. The next part was the rocky bridge, a small encaged box that rocked from side to side, with water spilling over the edge. It wasn't anything difficult to complete, but, being Dan and Phil, something was bound to happen.

Dan followed Phil into the bridge, admiring the water droplets speckling the sides and wondering how good that would look on his tumblr, when Phil went flying into him, pinning him against the wall. He backed off immediately, scratching the back of his neck, a deep blush reddening the sides of his face.

"I am so sorry, the movements just..you know? It was an accident I promise," Phil was endlessly rambling now, trying to make Dan believe it was in fact an incident, as if Dan would've cared either way. Dan kept having to remind himself that, in Phil's eyes, Dan should care, they haven't known each other long and it was supposed to be an awkward situation. In Dan's mind it just seemed like a wasted opportunity.

"It's fine, Phil, honestly. It doesn't matter," he assured Phil, picking himself up off the wall and walking to the end of the bridge. "You coming?"

The funhouse, while crossing boundaries for Dan and Phil, didn't entail all that much. Phil had decided they should try the ghost train, saying he'd never been on one and wanted to experience it. Dan was petrified, but Phil didn't know those kinds of things about Dan yet, so he had to act the way he assumed he would if he was meeting Phil again for the first time. He would've agreed and tried to act cool, as if he wasn't scared in the slightest. So that's what Dan did.

There was a small queue for the overpriced ride, parents with excited children and teenagers on dates. He was just glad he didn't have to board with the couple in front of them, who had been down each other's throats for most of the time they had been in the queue. Gross, Dan thought.

Their cart came round, a grey chariot with a skull on the top of it, it's eyes glowing red as a form of torch. Phil hopped on first, nodding for Dan to do the same, and once they were inside it whizzed around the boarding track, turning a sharp corner and plunging into the first room.

It was pitch black, and the only light was being emitted from the skull in front, it's eyes doing very little to show the way. There was eerie music playing, and some kind of fan blowing air at them. Dan hated these kinds of situations. He wouldn't take any amount of money to do this, but he would sacrifice his sleep that night and dignity for Phil's enjoyment.

A light flickered on and suddenly a corpse dropped down in front of Dan, beheaded with blood oozing down it's neck. He let out a loud shriek, squeezing his eyes shut and curling into Phil, gripping onto his arm, before realising what he was doing. Phil had laughed at first, but now seemed genuinely concerned for Dan's wellbeing.

"Dan? Are you okay?" He asked, as the cart whizzed through out into another room.

"Y-yeah," Dan lied, just as a cackle sounded through the room. It sounded dreadfully familiar to the one in the catacombs they had been in, which only added to Dan's frightment.

This room wasn't as bad as the one previous, just with creepy pictutes lining the walls and wallpaper saturated with blood. It quickly glided out into the open, before turning into another room. This one was empty, but halfway through it dropped them down the track, speeding up and dropping into a basement, with decomposed bodies hanging from the ceiling, staring menacingly down at them both. The cackles got louder, more prominent and adding in frequency, making Dan shiver.

That was the last room, the doors opened and they were back at the boarding dock, and Dan jumped out of the cart as soon as he could, trembling.

"Are you seriously okay?" Phil asked, concern prominent on his features.

"I-uh, not, not particularly," he stuttered, still shaking and out of breath. It wasn't that the ride had scared him into oblivion (which it kind of had), it was just the goddamn cackle that reminded him of the whole accident, and the complete sickening terror he felt while everything was happening, he couldn't deal with it. He felt nauseous and dizzy, tumbling down the amusement's steps and tugging at his hair, trying to calm his nerves.

Phil was worried, Dan's skin was tinted paler than usual, his face looking taut and him visibly distressed.

"Hey, come over here, okay?" Phil pulled Dan's arm gently, leading him over to a more secluded spot, with a bench. He placed his hand on his shoulder gently, cautious not to be too overly touchy, but softly rubbing circles with his thumb into the man's shoulder, and Dan leant in to the touch, relaxing against the bench.

"T-thanks Phil. I appreciate it," Dan admitted quietly, and Phil just gave him a simple smile, confused as to why he kept stumbling over his words, almost nervous in a way. He assumed it must just be his distress, and brushed it off quickly, going back to making sure Dan was okay.

"What happened in there? You look like you're about to throw up, do you want me to get you some water? Take you home?" He asked him, wary not to overstep the line incase there was something seriously wrong that had happened. He seemed too shaken up for it to just be that the ride had given him a fright.

Dan looked down at his feet, trying to find some way of explaining why the ride had triggered something so out of the ordinary, piecing the conversation together in his head before repeating it out loud to the man sat next to him.

"I, uh. The ride, it just reminded me of a really bad case I had at work. It was...a very distressing experience, and I don't want to be reminded of it. I wasn't expecting to be reminded of it, and it was just hard to deal with. I'm sorry, today was supposed to be fun for you and I'm sat here shaking like an idiot."

Phil shook his head, but softened his expression at Dan recalling a work experience that had been distressing. Phil understood, and he didn't blame him, but wasn't quick to agree with his bold statement.

"Today has been fun, and it still will be, whether you want to carry on here and just mooch about, or whether you want me to take you home - cause we could just watch a film or play video games or something. If you want to. I don't know," Phil was panicking now, worried he would scare off Dan or seem too enthusiastic about spending time with him. But the truth was - he was excited about spending time with Dan, there was just something about him he loved to be around, that put him at ease.

"Hm, how about both? We spend an hour or so more here, and then we can go back to mine," Dan nodded, explaining his idea to Phil.

"Sounds great!"

They had decided to take it easy, and instead of going on any more rides, tried their hand out at the various stalls scattered about the place. Phil lit up in excitement at the sight of the hook-a-duck stand, and rushed over, dragging Dan along with him. It claimed you could win a prize every time, but Dan was curious as to what kind of prize could actually be won by simply losing. Nothing too extravagant, probably a keyring at the best.

It was £2.50 to play, and in return Phil was given a long stick with a hook on the end, and 3 turns. The goal was to hook out a duck that had a prize on the bottom, and with although 3 turns were a lot, the chances of Phil getting one with a proper prize on the bottom were low. There must've been at least 50 ducks in the large inflatable tank, and only 3 ducks had prizes.

Phil was eyeing them up, guessing which duck would be his best bet. He settled on one with a plastic hat adorning it's head, carefully hooking the point through the loop and dragging it out, inspecting the bottom.

"P R I Z E 249ZS" was scribbled on the bottom of it, and Phil cheered, handing the duck back to the woman behind the stall.

"Wow. Most rare one. Have your pick of these," She said, pointing to a column hanging the biggest teddy bears at the stall. There wasn't much option, a bear, a penguin, and a minion. Dan turned his nose up in disgust at the last one, earning a snigger from Phil.

"This one please," Phil pointed to the bear, and once he received it, gave the woman a final smile and walked on to the next stall he could find. Once you won a prize, the other turns weren't redeemable, to Phil's dismay.

"Well done, I'm surprised you won. The odds were against you,"

"Thanks! But I dont like to think about the specific odds of things, I like to base my winnings on hope." Phil explained, flipping the bear over his shoulder. Dan smiled at Phil's explanation, knowing all too well he did that. It was such a Phil thing to do.

Somehow, Phil had managed to persuade Dan into doing some of the stalls himself, throwing horseshoes into buckets and rings onto bottle tops. As if magically, they were both unbelievably good at it, and had already amassed a vast amount of prizes, winning on every stall they went to. The workers were beginning to seem annoyed, furious at how skilled they seem to be with the games that were fixed to be impossibly difficult.

They had even won something on a few of the claw machines, and were now lugging around too many teddy bears to count.

"Who would've known we'd be great at something that uses skill. I can barely walk in a straight line without tripping over, never mind doing something almost sporty, what with the throwing and that," Phil said, smiling widely.

"I know, right? I'm happy though. I feel like I've achieved something, like I'm fulfilled," Dan was smiling widely too, properly, and although he'd been happy with Phil the past week, he didn't think he'd been this happy since before the accident. It was nice, being able to walk around and endulge in new experiences with Phil, things he didn't have to relive for the second time over. It didn't hurt, it was new, and invigorating.

"Excuse me, you too, would you mind walking with me a second, I have a few questions I need answering." one of the carnival workers requested, switching his eyes between the two of them and silently judging.

"Uh, sure?" Dan replied, looking over at Phil for reassurance.

"Right, well, obviously, you have a lot of prizes, congrats and whatever, but it's not actually possible. No one has ever won that many prizes at our carnival, at any I'm willing to bet. I am sure you are aware that most stalls like these are slightly rigged, making it harder for people to win, and therefore a more enjoyable experience when they do. So I'm going to have to assume you two have been cheating on our games, so. You need to leave, thanks." The man gave them a bitter smile, sticking his arm out in way of the exit.

They both looked at the man with confusion and dismay written on their blatant expressions, obviously they hadn't cheated, they were both pretty certain it was impossible to cheat in games like these. But he was angry, and they didn't want to aggravate him further, so they gathered their things and hurried to the exit, struggling to find their car in the maze that was the carnival's car park.

"You parked over there didn't you, Phil?" Dan asked, pointing vaguely in the direction of a huddle of cars, all happening to be a similar shade to Phil's.

"Um...Did I?"

After they had gone round in circles and spent much more time than needed endlessly searching for Phil's vehicle, they found it, the wingmirror hanging limply on the floor from where it had been smacked off by a passing car. He sighed, picking it up and trying to somehow find a way to slot it back into place, to no avail. Dan wasn't surprised, it was just Phil's luck.

They got back in the car regardless, making their way back to Dan's apartment, soaking in the dark nights sky. Dan's keys fumbled in his hands, the slight jingle of the metal coming together being the only sound. "You're still up for staying for a bit, yeah?" Dan asked cautiously, hoping that Phil wouldn't have changed his mind and instead want to just go home, after all, it had been a busy day, not to mention the hassle from the fairground worker.

"Of course, if that's okay with you."

And so Dan let him up the stairs to his apartment, guiding the way, _his_ apartment, the apartment they had shared together just a few weeks ago. It seemed much longer, however, and Dan was starting to forget what it was like to have Phil in the flat with him, keeping him company in his usual surroundings. It was nice.

"Wow, your apartment is really nice. And spacious," Phil complimented turning around in his space in the middle of the flat, staring at everything. "Wait, you have a balcony, that's so ace!" he bounded over to the glass doors, looking out over the balcony and onto the city staring down from below.

Dan chuckled, of course Phil was the only person who still thought 'ace' was as good of an adjective as anything. "Yeah, it was basically the main reason I bought it, to be honest."

He wasn't being completely honest, however, as Phil had been the one to swerve Dan's choice of the swankier apartment to settle for this one, because 'it has a /balcony/ Dan. A balcony! How cool is that?!' - but without Phil there to accompany him, Dan never used the balcony anymore.

"I wish I had a balcony in my apartment. Mine's quite basic, you'll have to come over sometime." Phil offered, still intaking his surroundings and flickering his eyes over every surface.

"Wait, you have the buffy boxset? Buffy is my favourite," Phil raced over to where the boxset was placed, lazily on the sofa from where Dan had been going through the free leaflets in the box, seeing if there was still a tear in the cover from where Dan had accidentally ripped it and Phil had demanded they buy a new one. But there was nothing, it was pristine, as if newly bought and never used.

Dan walked over and knelt down to where Phil was, staring at the boxset in awe. "It's in such nice condition, I have this box set but my front cover has a tear in it, I don't even know how because I'm usually so careful with it, but it just appeared. I still haven't gotten around to ordering a new one,"

Dan's breath hitched as Phil explained the rip, some physical proof that Dan had existed before in Phil's life, even if Phil was still completely unaware and judged it on his clumsiness. Dan could never use this to back up his point if he did ever tell Phil, but it still meant a lot to him that it was actually there. It was more than he had expected would ever appear as proof, or as a reminder. He was glad.

"I have an unbelievably gigantic crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar." Phil admitted, biting back a laugh.

'I have an unbelievably gigantic crush on you.' Dan wanted to say, but he couldn't. It wasn't the right time, it was too early, and Phil was just a friend. He would be for a long time, Dan assumed.

"I have an unbelievably gigantic crush on shrek," Dan opted for the easier option, watching Phil's face distort in horror.

"Terrifying!" Phil leant backwards trying to choke back his laughter, feeling overwhelmingly at home in Dan's apartment. It was weird, he felt more at ease there than he ever had in his own home, and he'd only arrived there a few minutes ago.

But the apartment was so pretty, and minimalistic, and everything inside just screamed 'Dan', and he loved it. He loved it much more than his sickening colourful escapade at home.

Dan got back up from where he was kneeling, turning into the kitchen.

"Would you like a drink, Phil?" he called, getting out a glass for himself before waiting for Phil's answer.

"Coffee would be lovely, thanks, Dan." he called back, Dan adding an extra mug and making sure to put the right amount of milk and sugar in, just how Phil liked it.

He came back into the lounge, sipping at his drink, unsure of where to go next, before an idea struck him.

"Wanna play sims?"

 

-

Phil's answer had obviously been yes, the sims 3 had been one of their favourite past-times and Dan assumed even present Phil would still have the interest in playing, even if only to be polite.

They'd been playing for a good hour and a half now, and had spent most of their time flicking through various ways to make their sims look as unbelievable freakish as possible, before settling for creating themselves.

"Omg, I should totally make myself a magician as a career, that'd be pretty amazing, dont'cha think?" Phil had asked him, turning around to face Dan, his face animated and lit up in excitement.

They were now in one of the town's parks, loitering about and trying to find people to talk to. Dan currently had control over the mouse, and he felt Phil's hand clamping down on top of his, grappling for the mouse. He couldn't excuse the jolt of electricity coursing through his veins, even at the slightest touch, craving to just be in Phil's arms after weeks of no contact. He hoped Phil felt the same way.

Dan removed his hand from under Phil's, letting him take over and watching as he began making his sim flirt with an old grandma.

"What are you doing Phil?" Dan gave out a laugh, basking in the comfort of just watching Phil do something he enjoyed, which was anything remotely childish, usually. "She doesn't seem to be that interested," Dan noted, raising an eyebrow as the woman slapped Phil's sim across the face comedically.

"I guess my sim is an accurate representation of me then, destined to be forever alone," Phil raised a hand to his chest, letting out a dramatic fake sob.

"Oh, shut up." Dan smiled at him, but wanting to say 'no, you're not alone, you have me, and you have me forever' but he keeps his mouth shut, continuing to give him a false smile and a flash of his teeth.

"Do you want anything to eat, by the way? You must be hungry, I know I am," Dan admits, getting up out of his office chair to pop to the kitchen.

"What've you got?" Phil asks, following him down into the room, before hopping onto the island counter. If anyone else had done this, it may have seemed almost rude, but with Phil it was like he was making himself comfortable in his own home.

"Uhm...Not that much actually," Dan was scouring the cupboards, almost sure he had some kind of meal, but alas, he was met with very little.

"Cuppa soup?" He offered, laughing at the unappealing and admittedly weak offer of a meal.

"Sounds perfect."

They chatted in between sips of mug-meals, Phil telling Dan about how much he loved how Dan decorated his apartment, and how Phil's home was terrible by contrast. Dan wanted nothing more than Phil's endless amounts of useless throw cushions back on his sofa, comical ornaments decorating his shelves, and Phil by his side to wake up to in the morning, instead of the cold loneliness.

"Are you..with anyone, Dan?"

The question made him almost choke on his soup, eyes wide and unexpecting. He assumed Phil would've known by now, gathering that Dan was never with anyone, had never mentioned anyone, and had no pictures with anyone else in his home.

"Sorry if that was too personal a question." Phil added, looking back down at his feet in embarrassment.

"No, no it's fine, I'm just surprised is all. Of course I'm not with anyone, are you?" he felt obligated to ask him the question, and present-day Dan would have no idea of Phil's private relationships, he had to remember that, that to Phil's knowledge, he knew nothing about him.

"Me neither."

They sat in silence for a while after that, finishing off their soup and only looking up to share innocent smiles. Dan hadn't experienced shy silence like this since 2009. He missed it. It was raw, and full of innocence, and it felt...perfect. As if they'd been brought back to their youthful shyness.

"Anyway, I better be heading off. I don't want to keep you. But today was lovely, thank you." Phil said, standing up and walking out into the main hallway, grabbing his coat from the banister.

"Are you sure? You can stay longer, it's fine," Dan babbled, hoping that Phil would change his mind and decide to stay for a while, forever.

"Nah, it's okay. Thanks for having me."

And he was out the door.

-

"Oh my god, you spoon, don't fix the stereo when there's a water leak underneath you!"

It was a week later, and Dan had invited Phil over for another round of the sims, unsurprised by his unethical antics, but not wanting him to kill off his sim. That would then leave no reason for Dan to invite Phil round every week, seeing as Dan never had any food in the house and it seemed like an insult to ask him to watch Buffy when all they were is friends. He didn't take that for granted, he enjoyed Phil's company as a mate, of course he did, he just wished they could be more again, he was yearning for it. Whether it be just Phil pressed up against his side playing sims, or soft lips against his own, being without it was immensely difficult, and once he got a bit of it, it became intoxicating.

"That's a fair point actually, maybe I shouldn't do that.." Dan rolled his eyes at Phil's realisation, aware that Phil would probably do something similar in real life if it weren't for Dan to call him out on it, and even something like that was adding on to Dan's need to be with Phil and building the want. Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as 'live with me?' - Phil had a home. Albeit, a home he always complained about, and seemed much more fascinated with Dan's, but a home nonetheless. There was no romantic tension, no flirting or suggestive jokes, and Dan could've sworn he'd seen Phil making eyes at Emmy. Just the thought of it made his blood curdle and nausea swirl in his stomach, but he couldn't voice that to anyone, which just extended his problem.

If Dan could just ask Phil on a date out of the blue he would, but Phil showed no liking to Dan other than being his friend, and it wasn't the right time. Dan knew Phil wouldn't drop the friendship if he asked, but he didn't know if he would if he were to drop the 'we knew each other before' bomb, - it was a big thing after all- but if he asked too soon he might wreck the whole thing. In Dan's situation, there was no 'right' way to go about it, none of it worked.

"Dan, I've actually been meaning to ask you something," Phil cleared his throat, spinning the office chair around to face him. "Come to see my psychic with me."

-

If you'd have told Dan he'd be on his way to see a psychic and he wasn't feeling all that negative about it, he'd have lost himself laughing at you. But here Dan was, walking down the same old cobbled road Phil had just a few weeks before, and if him going made Phil happy, why the heck not.

Phil had been going every week since he last went, and had mentioned Dan. As soon as he had, the psychic had been asking to meet him every time since, and although Phil found her obsession with meeting him a bit peculiar, he obliged.

The same obnoxious lights shone in Dan's view, his footfalls becoming steadier as the pathway evened out, almost as if guiding the way to the door. He was sceptical, he had never really believed in all the psychic mumbo-jumbo, but then again, he fought the supernatural for a living, so who was he to be a sceptic.

Phil opened the door and let Dan inside, the bells ringing against the wood, and adding to the atmosphere. The place was as pretty as it had been the first time, fairy lights adorning the ceiling, and bright tapestries hanging in every space, the colours and patterns meshing into each other.

"Oh, Phil! You brought him with you, finally." The woman hurried over to Dan, taking his hand in both of hers, and Dan thought she seemed way too happy just to be meeting boring old him. He stood awkwardly in her presence, dropping his hand from her gripping and gingerly taking a seat in one of the designated chairs, the velvet of the cushioning worn away and tired.

Although he felt awkward, the ambience wasn't uncomfortable, or tense in any way, in fact, Dan found it relaxing, not in the way he felt when Phil was stroking patterns into the small of his back and telling him everything would be okay, or when he'd be enveloped in a hug, no, this relaxing was almost..forced, but not in an intimidating way.

"What can I do you for today, boys?" she asked, eyes staring widely up at them both.  
"Just palm reading today, Margaret, if that's okay." Phil pulled up a chair beside Dan, looking at him expectantly, as Margaret grabbed his hand again, turning it over and flicking her thumb over the middle of his palm.

Dan looked back at Phil, mentally asking him 'what is she doing? What am I meant to be doing? Help' but got no reply, turning his attention back to the woman currently studying over his hand, seeming deep in thought for a moment before speaking again.

"This is the finger of Apollo," she told him, pointing to his ring finger. "This is your strongest finger, it represents your perseverance, in accordance to love. This is your weakest finger, the finger of Saturn. It represents your awareness and willingness to productivity. Your life line is the longest, right here, see? This means you'll have a long and healthy life." She paused, looking at his lines of heart, before dropping his hand. She seemed shocked, horrified almost, and hurried them along, claiming it was 'on the house', and they didn't need to pay.

So, Dan and Phil found themselves stranded outside the shop, at 2pm, with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Dan was determined not to let the day end there, he wanted to spend more time with Phil, and besides, it didn't hurt to go shopping, after all, it was edging closer to winter, and he didn't want to be without gifts, or ideas.

"Wanna carry on walking about? I have some things I need to buy, you know, for those at work for Christmas. And it wouldn't hurt to have company."

-

It was an hour later, and they were stood in the middle of a lush store. Phil was looking around in awe, but Dan on the other hand, looked lost. He didn't know why or how they had ended up here, and he didn't know what most of the things there were. He'd seen some of them in random vlogger's hauls, but he had no idea how they worked, or why so many people spent such a large amount of money on them, especially when they only seemed to be usable once.

While he had been frowning at an oddly shaped soap bar, Phil had found his way to the bath bombs, and was now coughing and spluttering like he'd choked on a golf ball.  
"Phil what are you doing?!"  
"I just wanted to smell the bath bombs!" Phil said defensively, in between surges of sneezes and coughs.  
"For fuck's sake, here, have some of my water." He passed over the bottle, fully aware there wasn't much left, and it would be of little help, but trying nevertheless.

"T-hh..anks" Phil wheezed, trying to get his breath back from the fit he'd had, putting the dusty bath bomb back on the shelf and moving closer to the door, away from the stronger smelling stuff.  
"Let's have a breather, yeah?" Dan suggested, guiding Phil out of the door.

Phil nodded, letting the breeze wash over him in an immediate wave, Dan's hand still gently touching his back, and although he didn't know why, he enjoyed it. It made his spine tingle, and even though it was chilly outside, he was overcome with warmth, rosy cheeks making that fact apparent.

In that moment, Dan's belly rumbled - he was starving, they hadn't had anything to eat and Dan had forgotten breakfast that morning (if only Phil would stop snacking on his cereal every time they go to play sims).  
Phil giggled softly, "Hungry?"  
"Very. Would you mind if we just popped into a cafe real quick?"  
"How about a picnic?"

-

"No, Phil, if you try to scan cocktail sausages while I'm inputting the code for scotch eggs you're going to confuse it!"

He was exasperated, the machine clearly had had too much use and everything was going extra slowly.  
"Please put your item in the bagging area." the monotone voice instructed, pushing Dan's anger further.  
"It's in the motherfucking bagging area!" he said under his breath, so as not to conduct weird stares from angry mothers.

Phil was laughing beside him, amused by his frustration with the computer, but managing to round up the last pieces of food and scanning them through quickly, handing Dan one bag and carrying the other two himself.

They ended up in a park nearby, seated underneath a large tree. It didn't really add to the atmosphere, considering all it's leaves had fallen, but it was still pretty, and further away from the park's bustle.

"So do you go to that psychic place every week then? Doesn't it get repetitive?" Dan asked, unpacking some strawberries.  
"No, not really. I get my horoscope done there, she's always really accurate. What's your star sign?"  
"Gemini." He replied casually, distracted with the grapes he was currently handling. "Phil did you buy green and purple grapes? Why would we need both-"  
"You didn't strike me as being a gemini." Phil interrupted and Dan remembered back to the first time they'd had this conversation, when Phil had grown an extreme interest in astrology.

Dan just hummed, opening one of the packets and fiddling with a grape, trying to forget the past them and return to the present, the now, where things were happening, and he should be grateful that there were. He couldn't help but feel eternally guilty anytime the nostalgia or pain would kick in, telling himself that it was unfair to Phil, and that it was his fault, and he had no reason to be upset when it was his fate and people had it worse. He wouldn't let himself feel sad about it, he thought it was selfish, and unneeded, and irrelevant.

"Hey, I can totally catch these in my mouth! Watch," Phil demonstrated what he meant, throwing one up in the air and catching it - although not very gracefully - in his mouth. Dan reciprocated by throwing a grape at Phil, laughing when it hit him on the nose.

"You're such a bully!" he whined, throwing one back and hitting Dan on the cheek with it.  
"Oww, you threw that one with force," Dan complained, rolling onto his back and turning his attention to above him.  
"Do you ever think about the hardships trees have to go through? They just stand there for years until someone decides they want to build something arbitrary and cut them down."

Phil frowned at him, wondering if things like these that he often questioned were genuine worried thoughts scattering about his brain or if they were just new conversation starters, but he replied to his question anyway. He always did, with crises like these, because even if they weren't his worries, he wanted to help.

-

  
It was the week before the christmas holidays, and their boss had assigned them work to do; a mission. Together.

Dan was terrified. It was not only the first piece of work since the incident, but the fact that it was also with Phil? Terrifying. He wanted to decline the work, to say no way, to storm off and have a good mope, but that would seem irrational and out of character, so he faked his discomfort behind a wide smile.

Phil was ecstatic. His favourite kind of mission with his favourite person? He knew it was going to be fun. He also didn't know how Dan had come about to be his favourite, but all the time they'd spent with each other over the past month had been proof of that. He'd never experienced that kind of feeling before, where being with someone just gives you that warm feeling, and you're constantly happy in their presence, and each time you're away from them you just feel kind of empty. Phil would see an advert on TV, or a picture on tumblr, and he'd go to tell Dan all about it, as if he was sat next to him, before realising he was tucked away in his own apartment.

Phil grew to hate his home more and more. He loved Dan's, Dan's was cosy, and tranquil; opulent, in a way. He spent most of his time there anyway, and it was odd coming back home to somewhere he felt out of place. He felt like an intruder in his own flat. He must be crazy, he thought.

He saw Dan's office door was open, and he had his back turned to him, flicking through documents on his desk. He came in, clearing his throat and patting Dan on the back gently. "I'm super excited for our work, it's gonna be ace!"  
Dan laughed softly, shaking his head at his choice of words.  
"You are such a loser. But yeah, I'm sure it'll be great. I'll put these documents away and then we can leave."

The mission wasn't the same kind as last time had been, instead, it was analysing what was supposedly demon's teeth in a lab. It wasn't the most adventurous of assignments, but it was better than anything dangerous. That said, the thought of Phil around a bunch of reactive chemicals didn't sound too safe either.

They took a work car in place of their own, piling into the black subaru and driving off, Dan instructing Phil on where they needed to go. He was even more worried now, not only Phil around irritants, but Phil around irritants he hadn't used before? A disaster waiting to happen.

"Just turn off the dual carriageway here. And you promise you won't do anything rash, right?" Dan asked him, for the third time.

"When do I ever?" Dan rolled his eyes at this, scoffing and lifting his feet up to rest against the dash board. "Phil, you know you act impetuously all the time."

"Do not!"  
"Do too!"

Phil scowled, trying his upmost hardest not to break out into a smile. He knew all too well that he could act without thinking, and that he was cloddish, but he didn't care to admit it, especially not to Dan.

"This is our turning?" Phil asked, uncertain now that Dan had stopped commanding him on where they needed to go.

Dan nodded, and Phil turned down into a straight lane that looked to go on for a rather long time, and the laboratory was just a mere blob in the distance.

Phil jumped in his seat, excited by his idea. "Let's play I spy!"  
"Phil, there is literally nothing here. This is the worst possible place you could ever pick to play I spy."  
"No, we can do it like I spy in the car, there's a ton of stuff in here,"

"Yeah, because in the short amount of time we've been in this car you've already somehow managed to clutter it up with a bunch of shit," he said, laughing as he flicked at a perfumed tree he'd already hung in there, and a variation of boiled sweet drops he'd put in the drinks slot.

"I had very logical reasons for putting them there; I didn't want the car to reek like chemicals, and I wanted something incase I got hungry. So, technically, it was smart thinking," Phil explained, taking one hand off of the steering wheel to tap his forehead.

Dan rolled his eyes again, putting his feet down to straighten up, "start the game then."

"Okay. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with.....A!"  
Dan paused for a moment, flicking his eyes around the car and the possible things inside he could mean.  
"Phil there's literally nothing in here that begins with a. If you mean 'air' I swear to god I'm jumping out of this car, how many times do I have to tell you that you can't physically see air!"

"It's not air. Plus, fog? Also, we've never played I spy before, have we?"  
Dan swallowed roughly, realising his mistake. "I must've just had a dream about it, or something."

"Aw, Danny's had a dream about me, cute."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Nothing." Phil shrugged, stopping the car and hopping out. "You have the keys for the lab, don't you?"  
"Of course." Dan sighed, following Phil round the car and out to the back door of the building. "But what is A?" he asked as he turned the keys in the lock, pushing open the door to the laboratory.

"That's for you to find out," Phil posed, walking into the building, before turning around on his heels and winking at Dan.

Dan glared back at him and followed him through into the room, pointing to the cloakroom. "Okay, so the lab coats are here, you're going to need to wear one of those, and a pair of goggles."

Phil grabbed a pair of goggles, flinging them on and posing with a peace sign and a pout. "I bet these make me look attractive!" he giggled, resting them on the top of his head.

It was a few minutes later, and they had gathered the variables they needed to do the experiment, spreading them out over the table.  
"Air refreshner!" Dan called out suddenly, seeming very pleased with himself.  
"What?"  
"Air refreshner. That's what the 'I spy' answer, the little perfume tree thing."  
"Incorrect."

Dan groaned, slamming the beaker of limewater down a little too harshly, swishing the liquid angrily with an accompanying pipette.  
"I don't know how you're struggling, it's really easy once you think about it."  
"Is that so?" Dan questioned, getting an idea. He stormed out of the room and back out into the car park, going over to the car and looking through the windows.  
"There's nothing in here beginning with a."  
Phil giggled mischievously from where he was stood, half hanging out the doorway. "If you leave the mixture too long the experiment isn't going to work, come back, Dan. It's just a game!"

Dan knew he was right, and although his competitive side was screaming at him to beat Phil at the stupid travel game, he returned to the chem table, giving Phil a quick glare.  
"Alright, I give up. What was it?"

"Aglet!" Phil cheered, delighted that he'd beaten the man.  
"What?" Dan hissed, apoplectic with the loss.  
"Aglet, you know, the thing at the end of your lace?" He brought his leg up as far as he could and pointed to the plastic cap, a smile still printed on his face that irked Dan more.

"Are you kidding me?" Dan couldn't help but laugh at the man and his childish idiocy, saying "you're such an idiot" as he poured in some hydrochloric acid to the mix.

It may sound like he was insulting the man, laughing at how stupid he was and shaming his immaturity, but that couldn't be further from it. A smile was plastered to his face, eyes crinkling at the sides and full of love. He couldn't tell Phil he loved him, so this was how he did it, and although it may not be obvious to Phil, it was obvious to onlookers, so much so that 3 co-workers had asked Phil if he was dating Dan in the past week, and each time he had shook his head with a confused expression. He didn't understand why everyone either thought they were dating, or were rooting for them to. They were just friends, it was that basic.

-

"Phil it's f-freezing."

It was Christmas eve, and and Phil had dragged him outside to go on a 'nice walk' but Dan frankly found nothing about the walk nice, at all. Except Phil, perhaps.  
He hadn't prepared for just how cold it was, and he was freezing. Phil was bundled up in his 'space coat' as he called it, and and gloves and a scarf and proper winter boots, he was fine. In contrast, Dan was in a jumper and jeans.

He would've dressed for the occasion but Phil had called into his apartment and told him it was urgent, so he didn't bother throwing on anything warm. Big mistake.

The situation wasn't urgent at all, he had just heard that a christmas tree had been put up in the centre of town, and that they 'absolutely had' to go see it. Dan didn't see all the hype surrounding the plastic fir ornament, it was large, and rather breathtaking he supposed, but why would he be interested in staring at a fake tree when Phil was stood beside him? He pondered over this as he watched Phil staring up at the decoration, eyes glazing over the man's awed expression, and simple beauty.

They were now on a walk to back to Dan's home, Phil suggesting they decorate for Christmas together, appalled that Dan hadn't decorated yet, to get the work done quicker. It seemed a feasible excuse, and Dan agreed, but hoped the decorating wouldn't be so quick after all, he wanted to spend all the time in the world with him.

"Phil." Dan repeated, trying to emphasise his need for warmth now the man was ignoring him.  
"Yeah? Sorry, I got distracted, thinking about how pretty that tree was." Phil claimed, even if it was false. He had really been thinking about how much he was looking forward to decorating with Dan, and if they could maybe hopefully spend Christmas together. He assumed, of course, that Dan probably had plans, but he hadn't mentioned any, and it seemed like a wonderful idea to Phil.

"I'm cold."  
"How long is it till we get back to your apartment? You can have my coat if you'd like." Phil proffered, already beginning to strip himself of his source of warmth, thrusting it into Dan's hands.

Dan didn't even partially want Phil's coat, he just wanted to know if the man would give it to him or not, if he was a fraction different to the Phil he had fallen in love with those 6 years ago, and he wasn't. He was still the same wonderful Phil, and he hoped it would stay that way. He hoped they were still as compatible and perfect together, if the bond was still as strong.

He still felt the same way even if he had gone without the romance for months. Every single time he looked into the man's eyes, he felt he held the ocean at his fingertips, as if the pools of cerulean could formulate into waves and wash away everything bad. Because Phil was everything good, he always had been.

Dan was still clinging onto the coat in his hands, and he rid his head of his thoughts as he pulled on the coat, encasing himself in the warmth and Phil's scent; clean. He sighed. He may not be able to initiate anything intimate with Phil, but at least he had moments like these - when things seemed almost back to normal.

But he noticed things weren't normal, and he had come to accept that things would probably never be back to how they were. He couldn't repeat everything they'd done the exact same way, it simply wasn't possible, and he didn't have any other choice but to accept it.

They carried on walking in silence, the chilling breeze wrapping around them and frosting against their skin, but it wasn't long before they were outside Dan's door again, walking inside and gratifying in the heat radiating around them.

"Tree first?" Phil queried, taking off his scarf and wrapping it around the banister, before disposing of his gloves too and leaving them on the radiator.

"Sure." Dan nodded, bounding up the stairs with Phil behind, heading to the storage cupboard.

"All the decorations should be in here." he noted, trying his hardest to squeeze into the storeroom, which had minimal space as it was, without being filled to the brim with boxes and various other things Dan had thrown in there when he didn't have anywhere else to keep it.

He dragged out a large box, containing the tree, and two other boxes full of the decorations for it. "Let's get started, shall we?"

They pulled the boxes along to the lounge and made a space between the sofa and the TV for where they'd put the tree. It was different to how Dan and Phil had always placed it before, but Dan wasn't complaining. He was just glad he could actually spend this time with Phil, and was partly why he hadn't decorated till now, a day before Christmas. If Phil wasn't going to be there with him, he didn't want to decorate at all, it seemed a waste of time, no one would be there to enjoy the ornamentation but him, and it would be a physical reminder that this was the first Christmas of many he hadn't spent with Phil, bickering over which colour tinsel to use and where to put it so it wasn't directly covering the lights.

"You're sitting where the tree needs to go!"  
"I know-"  
"No, no, Phil, you're literally-"  
It was a minute in and Dan was already partway antagonised by Phil's absent logic, thinking somehow he could build the tree from where he was sat. Fortunately, he listened to Dan and moved to sit next to him, picking up a random branch and inspecting it.

"These are colour coordinated?" he implored, twisting the branch around in his hands to point out a purple label.  
"Yeah, purple label goes in the middle, blue at the bottom and white at the top, but find the blue one's first." Dan directed, rolling some branches in Phil's direction.

Phil collected all the bottom branches and attached them to the according slots with proficiency, while Dan got out the decorations and arranged them by colour, and item, so the end product was overall more aesthetically pleasing.

Soon all the branches were slotted into the tree and the decorating began. They decided the best course of action would be to put the tinsel on first, then the lights, and then the baubles, and then used whatever's leftover to decorate the rest of the house.

"What do you think of my new look?"

Dan turned around to see Phil flaunting a tinsel scarf and bauble earrings, and let out a hearty chuckle. "You look great." he said, coming over closer to Phil and flicking one of the bauble's hooked on his ear, before taking them off and placing them on some free branches.

They had put on most of the decorations, humming softly to miscellaneous festive songs, before standing back to admire their work. Dan thought it was probably the best year they'd had for decoration, it looked stunning, and much better compared to the first time they'd done it, back in 2009, where the tinsel was wonky and the lights had broken.

"Wanna order a pizza? I understand if you probably want to start heading back, but hey, it's dark outside and it's getting late, plus - my apartment is very cosy and I have a coupon for dominoes."  
Phil could almost laugh at the fact that Dan was wary that he would decline the offer, when his 'cosy' apartment was his favourite place to be. He wondered why on earth anyone would turn down the offer for discounted pizza and what was probably going to turn into a christmas movie marathon to go home to a cold, dead flat. It seemed berserk, but Phil wasn't going to voice that opinion, he didn't want to come off too keen.

"I'd love to stay."

-

It was 2AM, and Phil was still spread out on Dan's sofa, giggling quietly at something Dan had said. They had had a little too much to drink, empty pizza boxes and bottles of alcohol scattered the table, Phil sticking to chardonnay and Dan going all out on breezer's. They were completely off of their face.

"Hmm Phil. PHiillip...ilu"  
"Haha, what?"  
"Ilu!! Like I love you"  
"Oh. Ilu too then. You're a great friend."  
Dan huffed, taking a swig out of his fourth breezer.  
"Fine."  
"By the way Dan, MERRY CHRISTMAS." Phil shouted, flinging himself on top of Dan and knocking his bottle out of his hand in the process.  
"Where's the mistletoe?" Dan slurred, winking at Phil, who was still partially lead across him.  
"Mistle..NO!" Phil said, completely amused by his own pun. "I have mistletoe socks at home."  
"Should've worn them today."  
"I should have."

They stayed like that for a while, Phil silently curled into Dan's side while he opened another bacardi and sipped at it, mindlessly curling his fingers into Phil's hair and zoning out, staring at the flickering lights adorning the tree.

Phil lifted himself up onto his elbow, now hovering over Dan and removing the drink from his hands. "You're beautiful." he breathed, moving his other arm up to rest on Dan's cheek, brushing against it tenderly.

He leaned in closer, just mere inches away from his lips. "Is this okay?"  
Instead of answering, Dan wrapped his arm around Phil's neck, pulling him in. The kiss was soft, and slow, Dan's other hand bruising into Phil's hip.  
He felt Phil licking over his bottom lip, and obliged, letting Phil slip his tongue in, and wrapping his legs around Phil's waist.

It's sloppy, but neither of them care, or even notice, too caught up in the moment to worry about the specifics. Phil pulls away quickly, only to start peppering kisses down Dan's jaw and neck, smiling into the rough skin.

"Goodnight, Dan." Phil announces, curling back into Dan's side, and moments later he's already breathing heavily, leaving Dan alone to his thoughts.

"I love you." Dan declares, and it feels so good to say it, to not have to hold back on his emotions. "I love you, I love you, I love you." he repeats it even though he knows Phil hasn't heard, and he doesn't care if he does. He just wants to hear the words leave his own lips, to remember what it felt like to profess something so passionate.

-

"Dan, what are we?" Phil exhorted, an hour after they'd woken up. They were now sat opposite each other on the sofa, eating cereal and soaking into the silence, neither of them wanting to be the firs to bring up the events.

Dan sighed, rubbing his eyes. "We're whatever you want us to be."  
"Well, what's that supposed to mean?" Phil asked back, tilting his head slightly.  
"Well, what do you want us to be?" Dan put down his bowl of cereal on the table, (which was still littered with alcohol), and sat up straighter, looking over at Phil's expression.

"Well, I enjoyed last night. I've wanted to take you on a date since the first time I walked into your office. But I don't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, it's ultimately your decision."

"It can't be my decision, Phil. It has to be yours."  
"And why is that?"  
"I'm not sure if you're ready to hear why."

Phil looked taken aback, confused at what Dan meant and unsure whether or not he should feel offended. Did he want to know? Dan seemed to think he shouldn't, but Phil couldn't judge that for himself if he didn't know.

"Just, tell me."

Dan inhaled sharply, debating whether it was too soon. Sure, he could completely wreck his chances of ever being with Phil, but he'd have to tell him at some point. And it was better to tell him sooner than later, especially if he would leave. He didn't want to get his hopes up just for Phil to find out and be even angrier that Dan never told him.

"So you know our job?"  
"Yes."  
"Well...we kind of..knew each other before."  
Phil looked even more lost now, wondering where the story was headed and what kind of tangent Dan was on. Knew each other before? Sure, Dan might've seen Phil walking down the office corridor, but that hardly seemed a cause for this racket.

"We've known each other for a long time. A long, long time. We did this..task, a few months ago. With this, this kind of abnormally intelligent demon, and he saw how we loved each other and he tortured us, emotionally, and erased your memory. And I know this sounds so absurd but it happened, there's files that prove it."

"We loved each other? We were...together?"  
"Yes."  
"How long for?"  
"....Six years. I'm sorry, I should've told you sooner I know I'm terrible but I just, I love you so much and I didn't want to scare you away. I love you, I love you, I fucking love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Dan was now hysterical, tears crowding his cheeks and his body was shaking, convulsing with every word.

"Shh, Dan. It's okay, everything is fine, you're safe." Phil pulled him into his lap, stroking his hair softly, waiting for him to calm down. Phil himself was overwhelmed. It was a lot of information to process, but he didn't doubt that it was a lie, he'd heard of old stories that were similar. He couldn't imagine how Dan felt, having to lie and hide everything that had happened.

He was snivelling, still shaking in Phil's lap, so Phil just pulled him closer, kissing his forehead and telling him everything would be okay. He didn't know if it would be, but he imagined that's what he would do, had there been no boundaries and if he never lost his memories, so he continued until Dan was relaxed, his body slack in his lap.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you must think I'm such an idiot." Dan confessed, shrinking further down.  
"I don't think that," he said gently. "I think what you've done is courageous, and took a lot of bravery and patience. And I'm going to be with you every step of the way from now on, okay?"  
And Phil stuck true to his word.

-

The next few weeks flew by, and Phil had practically moved in to Dan's apartment. It felt natural to Dan, he was used to living with Phil, and it seemed like second nature. Phil still found it a bit odd, but he loved spending time with Dan, and he even came along every week now to see his psychic, and Phil had a feeling she knew all along.

"Come play rock band with me." Dan sulked, giving Phil puppy-dog eyes and clasping his hands together.  
"I'm tired, Dan."  
"Come on, please? That's not the Phil I know."

Dan gasped as soon as he said it, realising his mistake. "No, Phil, that's not what I meant, I didn't-"  
"It's fine." Phil said gently, hushing Dan with a sweet kiss to his temple. "Let's just go cuddle and we can play rock band tomorrow."

That wasn't the only slip of the tongue Dan had, though, and to Phil it seemed like a continuous spiral of agonising comments. Whether it be that Phil says something, and Dan responds with "remember when we.." before realising Phil couldn't remember, or whether it was Dan's confusion when Phil reacted to something in a way he assumed past Phil wouldn't have done, it was constant.

"Look, Phil, just forget what I said, okay? Let's just go do something to take our minds off it." he'd say, wrapping his arms around Phil's neck and kissing his cheek. Most of the time Phil would just nod, obliging to whatever Dan offered, and it was resolved and forgotten about moments later. But then it would stick in his mind when he couldn't get to sleep, when Dan was wrapped up in his arms, when he could taste Dan's lips.

Phil decided to take them on a date to forget about it, a proper one. He realised they hadn't been on a date yet, and reserved a table at a fancy restaurant nearby as a surprise. He contacted Emmy and asked if they had a regular they always went to, and she directed him to the Hilton Sky Bar. It was very elaborate - and expensive too, Phil was glad he had gotten this month's pay check early.

"Philllll. Where are we going?" Dan urged, now in a taxi on the way there, unknowing of Phil's plans. He was excited, and he felt almost transported back to 2009 when they were spontaneous, and planned secret dates and actually went out together, and did romantic things. They had still been romantic in the 6 years that passed by, but things changed, work got busier, and instead of planning outings, they stayed inside. They went out every half a year or so, but they never made a big deal out of it. Dan was eager to find out what they were doing.

The taxi pulled up and the location was revealed, and Dan felt warmth enwrap his heart, touched at how Phil had done some research into the date. This was where they'd gone on their first date, when Phil wanted to impress Dan and bought him a £2000 bottle of champagne. /That/ had taken him a while to pay off.

"Phil, oh my god."  
Phil just smiled at him, entwining their hands, before walking inside. "Reservation for Lester, party of two." he spoke, and Dan practically melted at how sophisticated he sounded.

He even had their usual seating right, a closed off booth by the window, further away from the rest of the tables. Dan was astounded. No words could ever describe how irrevocably in love he was with Phil, the man could probably just smile at him and he'd be stunned to a silence, everything he did was just otherworldly.

"Order whatever you want. It's on me."

Dan would be lying if he said he wasn't tempted to ask for the £2000 bottle of louis roederer, but he thought better of it. Even if Phil had taken them to a place engraved in Dan's memories, he wanted to make new ones, not relive the past. It wouldn't be fair on either of them.

-

Dan went to sleep that night overwhelmingly happy, everything was perfect again. He had Phil, and life was bliss, it seemed. He had fallen asleep wrapped up in Phil's arms like he always did, but woke up to absence.

He read through a note left on the bedside table, confusion wracking his mind.

_To Dan,_

_I'm sorry for leaving so soon, and so suddenly. Last night was wonderful, but it made me realise something: I'm not the man you're in love with. You're in love with Philip Lester, the man who got left behind months ago, the man who doesn't exist anymore._

_It's hard to explain, but it's as if every time you look in my eyes you're searching for memories that I'm not aware ever took place. You want me to remember dates and happenings, but that just isn't possible. You look at me and see six years worth of memories, six years worth of love. And I can't give that to you. I've known you a few months, Dan, and although I thought this could work out, it can't. I wanted to give you back what I took from you, I didn't want you to lose something so important to you._

_But he's gone. I tried to be the man you're in love with, and I'm not. I tried so hard. This is unbelievably hard on you, and I'm so sorry. But it's unfair on me too._  
_You think you're still dating Phil, and you're not, you're dating another version. Another version that cannot possibly ever compare, and I'm sorry for that._

_**I care for you,**_  
**_Phil x_ **

 


End file.
